By Susan K. Boyd MS, MFT ~
Last month I wrote about the newest research related to the subject of ‘Bullying’.
This month I would like to point out the advantages of creating a culture of kindness at school or at work. No one can make someone stop being a bully but everyone contributes to the environment that either makes bullying possible or unlikely.
Schools with bullies have more absentees and lower standardized test scores than schools who do not have a bullying problem. Students don’t want to go where they are not safe. They have trouble concentrating on classwork. Kids are more carefree and creative in an environment where they can move and interact without fear.
Research on workplace stress shows similar findings. Jobs where bullies dominate have high turnovers and low productivity. About 20% of bullying in the workplace escalates into harassment. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, up to one third of workers may be the victims of abuse by workplace bullies. (Bullyingstatistics.org)
So what can schools and employers do to stop bullying? This is where a culture of kindness makes all the difference.
Schools that reward defending and rescuing behavior give a clear message; heroes are rewarded more than bystanders. Kyle, a twelve year old, boy, recently, noticed two bullies at his school taunting and goading a developmentally, challenged boy, to do inappropriate behaviors. Kyle stepped between them and ordered the bullies to ‘stop doing that.’
When they wouldn’t listen, he ran and got a teacher to intervene. He was awarded a certificate: Being Responsible, & Respectful. Hand written on the certificate was the explanation of his heroics: ‘Helping out a fellow knight when in trouble and bullied.’ His school is elevating the status of students who care and are kind.
One High School that promotes kindness, enlists teenagers to be a part of an anti-bullying campaign performing at assemblies for elementary schools. The High School volunteers play the moving song, by Brad Paisley, “Don’t Laugh at Me”. Then they, each, come out on the stage as a different person being sung about in the lyrics: a homeless person, a person in a wheel chair and a child being left out of games, etc. Research shows that Elementary School is the most receptive age for feeling and demonstrating empathy for peers. They are responsive to these programs.
High School, high status, students that model kindness, can have a huge influence on their own student body. Researchers discovered that if a defender is high status, other teenagers also rescue and defend bully victims. Peers in these age groups, 14-17, care more about what other students think than the opinions of teachers.
The kindness factor is just as important in the workplace. One study revealed the deciding factor for workers staying in a job was not the wages, but the respect they received or didn’t receive from employers or supervisors. Kindness matters. And a culture of kindness is something that kids and adults at school and work, all, have a big part in creating.
Susan K. Boyd is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in SLO. She can be reached for counseling at (805) 782-9800 or by Email: [email protected]. Also see www.susankboydmft.com.
