This week’s movie is “50 Shades of Grey” (Yes, I am going there). I read the book, although everyone told me it would just make me mad, which it accomplished in spades. With ridiculous grammar pontificating about how a man that tells you to eat, then ties you up, is the thing best for a young girl.
I cringed and yelled through all three books. Many people liked it and I had hopes for a better movie than the prose, so I thought it would be smart to go with 200 strangers to watch a sex show in the dark (I did bring wine).
I went with an open mind, but when the last elevator door closed after what felt like four hours and the guy behind me blurted out, “Please let this be the end,” I laughed at the great cosmic joke Universal Pictures had just played on all of us.
Don’t’ get me wrong, the sex is neat, but a total disservice to true erotica and bondage. It was as if it was a 2-hour commercial telling you what not to do in order to have a healthy relationship. I cannot believe this was only an R rating. The sex scenes are intense and very personal.
There’s only so much you can put into a movie especially if the source material is as sordid and insipid as this, but Sam Taylor-Johnson doesn’t disappoint when showing you the savage sexual nature of the infamous Christian Grey.
These sex scenes push the boundaries of its R rating and fans of the book will be happy to hear that they can finally visualize some of the titillating details E.L. James seems to love to describe in her books.
But that is all. The screenplay for this is a muddled piece of writing that lazily skates through its near 2-hour runtime with long ridiculous looks from Grey to Ana and no real dialog that is clever or even remotely interesting.
The chemistry with the leads was powerful, but you spend that much time naked with another person and it will always be persuasive. Jamie Dorman (Christian Grey) and Dakota Johnson (Anastasia Steel) definitely took their jobs seriously here both physically and mentally. Dakota is the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, so she has acting chops, too bad she spent most of the film naked and tied up.
The lightening and score were well done. The sets and art direction are excellent and create the perfect ambiance. The music excelled in terms of theme and pacing. This was the first time I have ever seen “BDSM consultant” in credits, who gets that job?
If you are young, this will confuse you as to what erotic love can be and if you are well seasoned like me, it is just drivel. I really do not see any reason to see this movie.
Teri Bayus can be reached at: email@example.com or follow her writings and ramblings at: www.teribayus.com. Teri is also the host of Taste Buds, a moving picture rendition of her reviews shown on Charter Cable Ch. 10.
Editor’s note: In the review of American Sniper in the Feb. 5 issue, the wrong actress was given as playing the wife of Chris Kyle. Sienna Miller and not Elise Robertson played that role.