Arroyo Grande
• Nov. 14: Some poor sod was arrested on the 1200 block of Grand Ave., for being too blasted to take care of himself.
• Nov. 14: A pillar of society was arrested on the 400 block of Grand Ave., after he was allegedly found in possession of heroin, Suboxone, and drug paraphernalia.
• Nov. 13: A woman out for a drive was contacted during a traffic enforcement stop and found to be driving under the influence of alcohol and was taken to the pokey.
• Nov. 12: A juvenile ran a red light and had an open bottle of alcohol. The little hooligan is off to a good start. In other signs of the future of our country news, one juvenile ruffian threatened another juvenile via text message.
• Nov. 12: Some jabber jaw was arrested for being hammered at a local movie theater, after he was reportedly causing a disturbance.
• Nov. 12: Some opportunist broke a passenger-side window of a work vehicle and stole a Garmin GPS, and police couldn’t find it or the thief.
• Nov. 11: Multiple arrests were made on narcotics-related charges and outstanding warrants, after police checked out a motor home squatting in a public parking lot.
Morro Bay
• Nov. 6: Police responded at 7:30 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1700 block of Main St. There they encountered a 32-year old, rather kootered fellow and hauled him to the nick for an attitude adjustment.
• Nov. 6: Police got a call at 11:48 a.m. of a Peeping Tom at the Morro Bay Trailer Park in the 400 block of Monterey. The peeper apparently peeled off before they arrived.
• Nov. 6: Police contacted another allegedly stoned fellow hanging around Albertsons at 10:42 a.m. They nipped his bud into County Jail.
• Nov. 5: Another model citizen was causing a ruckus at 4:33 p.m. at Hwy 41 and Main. The 42-year-old bent gent was hauled to the gaol for flapping-out.
• Nov. 5: Two cars collided at 2:49 p.m. at “Embarcadero/Morro Bay Blvd.” according to logs, which makes no sense, as the two streets don’t intersect.
• Nov. 5: A disorderly woman was causing a dust up at 3:45 p.m. at the Centennial Staircase. The hopped up hussy was hauled to County to sleep it off.
• Nov. 5: At 11 a.m. officers went to Main and Quintana to document a citizen who fell on public property and landed in the inevitable lawsuit.
• Nov. 5: In the 400 block of Atascadero Road police stole a trailer that had no license plate, no registration or information as to who owns the POS.
• Nov. 5: Yet another citizen of the year was going off at 2 a.m. in the 700 block of the Boulevard. A 44-year-old homeless man was cited for illegal lodging, he no doubt missing the “No Vacancy” sign at the City Limits.
• Nov. 4: Police contacted a 24-year-old fellow at 5:25 p.m. in the 100 block of Embarcadero and arrested him for suspicion of being higher than the Rock on drugs.
• Nov. 4: At 3:15 p.m. police contacted a regular customer hanging around Lila Keiser Park and tossed the scofflaw into the hole on three bench warrants, no doubt a case where three will get-cha 30.
• Nov. 4: Police were called at 1 p.m. to the 100 block of Mindoro where a citizen wanted to report a Morro Bay felony — wasting water.
• Nov. 4: A woman on Shasta reported her roommate taking “a large number of prescription medication.” The troubled soul was taken to the hospital.
• Nov. 4: At 3:11 a.m. officers roused an illegal camper snoozing in the 800 block of Napa. The 30-year-old vagabond was cited and released to go where? Who knows?
• Nov. 3: At 6:14 p.m. police got a report from the 800 block of Embarcadero of an apparently high-charged road rage turning into a battery.
• Nov. 3: Police contacted a suspicious man at 4:50 a.m. in the 2200 block of Emerald Cr., and took him to the County B&B for suspicion of being Zig-zagged.
• Nov. 3: At 2:28 a.m. officers contacted another fallen angel at Main and Marina. He was allegedly high on drugs and they found suspected methamphetamine on him, so he too joined the unwashed masses in the iron bar hotel.
• Nov. 2: In the 2900 block of Elm, someone broke into an unoccupied home and vandalized the place. Police have no clues as to the vile vandal’s identity.
• Nov. 2: Police documented finding a “narcotic substance” at Lila Keiser Park and booked the poison for destruction.
• Nov. 2: At 11:40 a.m. officers contacted a man in the 1300 block of Prescott. Naturally, he had an out-of-county warrant and was nicked.
• Nov. 2: Someone turned in some bankcards they found in the 1200 block of Embarcadero.
• Nov. 2: An officer found some car keys in the 2900 block of Main while doing “regular patrol” at 5:30 a.m. And at 9:13, someone found an abandoned bicycle at Embarcadero and Coleman Drive. On Nov. 1 someone turned in medications they’d found and another person handed over a found cell phone. And someone found another riderless bike at La Loma and Allesandro.
• Nov. 1: Police arrested a familiar face at 8:33 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana who had three warrants.
• Nov. 1: At 11 a.m. an unhinged woman in the 400 block of Kern was taken to County Mental Health for a 72-hour timeout.
• Nov. 1: The campus cop documented a truant juvenile delinquent, as ditching school, ain’t cool, fool.
• Nov. 1: A business in the 800 block of Shasta reported a burglary. No word on the booty pinched.
• Oct. 31: Police responded at 1:53 p.m. to the 900 block of Allesandro. A 20-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly being wasted on drugs and a 38-year-old role model was popped for alleged UTI, and of course a bench warrant, which explains why he also gave police a false ID.
• Oct. 31: Police contacted another suspicious man at 11:23 a.m. in the 700 block of MBB and the 44-year old was busted for allegedly being schwasted on drugs.
• Oct. 31: Police responded at 6:48 a.m. to the 1000 block of Kennedy Way for an early-morning domestic row.
Pismo Beach
• Nov. 7: Some chowder head who was reportedly camped out in a car for four days outside Splash Café was told to scram.
• Nov. 7: A bicyclist complained about gravel dropped at a stop sign on Shell Beach Road.
• Nov. 7: A caller at Judkins Middle School reported a hooligan student was creating a ruckus and he’d thrown padlocks at a teacher.
• Nov. 7: Someone entered the station to report a car loan had been taken out in his name but not by him.
• Nov. 7: A caller on the 300 block of Main suspected regular drug activity occurring between 3-5 p.m. Extra patrols were requested.
• Nov. 7: A caller on the 300 block of Vista Pacifica reported a squabble between a homeowner and someone in a truck parked in the driveway. The guy in the truck turned out to be a repo man and the other person was not the owner of the car but rather his neighbor.
• Nov. 7: A caller on the 700 block of Panorama reported that her estranged husband, who had moved out when they were going through a divorce, had entered the house after the locks had been changed and helped himself to some belongings.
• Nov. 7: Tourists eating at the Cracked Crab had their credit card declined on a bill of $111. The crabby woman said that she was going to go get another form of payment, but the caller thought she might have been planning to chew ‘n screw.
• Nov. 7: Some scoundrel stole a dog on the 500 block of Harloe.
• Nov. 7: A caller on the 900 block of Bello reported that a downstairs neighbor was bellowing threats at her.
• Nov. 7: A caller reported that someone had left him at Denny’s and drove off with all his stuff in the car. Someone at McDonald’s reported finding several bags and a camera, which, as it turns out, belonged to the first guy.
• Nov. 6: A bad egg sleeping in the breakfast area of the Sand Castle Inn was told to scramble out of there.
• Nov. 6: Twenty to 30 chair cushions and two large outdoor heaters were stolen from a tent at the Cliff’s Resort.
• Nov. 6: A caller at the Butterfly Groves reported that his child’s mother was hitting him. She said that she did not want to get in the car with him and that was when it got physical. The woman left on foot, apparently having won the battle, but the war no doubt rages on.
• Nov. 6: Some greedy gardener was reportedly digging up and stealing plants at the Palisades Tennis Court. He told the caller he was going to plant them in Avila Beach.
• Nov. 6: Things were getting loud again on the 900 block of Bello. A caller reported that her upstairs tenant was yelling and throwing things. Old yeller’s father said she was having a “mental episode.” She was reportedly upset with her family and said that she would quiet down for the night.
San Luis Obispo
• Nov. 10: Police responded at 6:23 a.m. to a reported theft in the 3200 block of Rockview. It was downgraded to an attempted theft, as the crook was apparently incompetent.
• Nov. 10: Police responded at 6:17 a.m. to Beach and Buchon where a white truck with a camper had been parked in front of a hydrant for four days, a hanging offense in San Luigi.
• Nov. 10: Police responded at 6:04 a.m. to the 200 block of Higuera at Auto Zone where a no doubt sad sack said he’d dropped a money clip with his ID, a credit card and $1,100 in cash.
• Nov. 10: A citizen called at 5:07 a.m. to report a missing at-risk person. Logs indicated the caller said a friend had texted “Good-bye” and “I don’t know how much time I have…” A citywide BOLO was put out for the person.
• Nov. 10: Police responded at 4:54 a.m. to the 300 block of Santa Rosa after some drunken Jacka** was disturbing folks at Jack in the Box and threw water in the caller’s face. The juice weasel slipped the dragnet.
• Nov. 10: Police responded at 2:52 a.m. to a suspicious incident in the 3200 block of Johnson where a woman said someone rang her doorbell and awoke her from a dream. The phantom ding-dong was gone.
• Nov. 10: Police were called to a suspicious incident at 12:47 a.m. in the 2100 block of King. An elderly man was in the bathroom grunting.
• Nov. 9: Police were called at 11:55 p.m. in the 700 block of Higuera at the Frog & Peach Pub for some lambasted tadpole causing a disturbance. The 23-year-old rookie went to the big house to sleep it off.
• Nov. 9: At 10:37 p.m. someone reported a guy passed out on the sidewalk at Broad and Pacific. And at 10:49, another citizen reported a honked fellow passed out on the sidewalk at Johnson and Marsh.
• Nov. 9: A woman called at 10:34 p.m. from the 1400 block of Stafford and said there was a prowler in her house. She canceled the call and apparently went back to a no doubt restless sleep.
• Nov. 9: A citizen called at 10:17 p.m. and said two wild ones were riding motorcycles on the grass at Santa Rosa Park.
• Nov. 9: At 8 p.m. police got a report of a trespasser from the 200 block of South at Patterson Realty. Some dingus was out in the corroder refusing to leave so they could lock up. Naturally, he grew legs before police arrived. At 6:51, another pest was outside Santa Rosa Shell harassing folks for money.
• Nov. 9: Police responded to an armed robbery at 6:25 p.m. at the Batch Ice Cream Parlor in the 1100 block of Broad.
• Nov. 9: Police were asked at 6:11 p.m. to check the welfare of a stumblebum seen staggering down the middle of the street at Ward and High. He’d staggered off before they arrived.
• Nov. 9: At 5:39 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in a mobile home park in the 3800 block of Higuera. Two roommates had been in an argument and one grabbed a shotgun, apparently intending to drive home his point. The two struggled; the victim ended up with the shotgun and fled outside to call police. The alleged aggressor then got a handgun and the two were faced off outside when police arrived. The victim dropped the shotgun and the other guy walked off but soon returned and the 48-year-old was arrested for suspicion of battery, attempted assault with a deadly weapon, brandishing a gun and possessing a gun with the intent to commit a crime, which is no way to win an argument.
• Nov. 9: A citizen called at 5:14 p.m. to report a guy laying on the sidewalk next to a bicycle on the southbound onramp to Hwy 101 at Broad. He was gone when police arrived 45-minutes later, siesta time apparently over. Oddly, someone had called at 5:12 from Osos and Pacific and said some bent fellow walked up to him and hit his dog then walked off. The 22-year-old fruit loop dingus was arrested for suspicion of being stupid in public.
• Nov. 9: Police were called at 4:22 p.m. to the 1000 block of Pacific for a report of a transient man “acting weird, hanging around and talking to himself” outside the office of Daniel R. Lewis, MD.
• Nov. 9: Police got a request at 2:37 p.m. from Cal Poly for all officers to be sent to the Student Union on Campus where hundreds of sore losers were protesting the Presidential election results. Eight police officers responded.
• Nov. 9: At 2:21 p.m. in the 800 block of Higuera a man was running around the Apple Store refusing to leave, and worse than that — he apparently didn’t buy anything, which marks the difference between a customer and a trespasser.
• Nov. 9: A citizen called at 1 p.m. to report a woman lying on the ground by a wheelchair at Monterey and Pepper under the railroad bridge. Logs indicated she was cited for suspicion of being drunk off her rocker.
• Nov. 9: Police took a courtesy report of a stolen vehicle for the San Francisco Police Department.
• Nov. 9: Police got a 9-1-1 emergency call at 10:50 a.m. in the 1400 block of Calle Joaquin for a San Loco felony — some kid was skateboarding in the parking lot at Motel 6.
• Nov. 9: Police and paramedics responded at 9:42 a.m. to Starbucks in the 800 block of Higuera for an unconscious man who was sweating profusely.
• Nov. 9: At 8:11 a.m. someone reported an un-neighborly dispute in the 300 block of Tolosa. Two neighbors were yelling and screaming at each other. At 8:05, someone reported two men duking it out at Madonna and Higuera. Those pugilists were gone too, the fight apparently declared a draw and an uneasy peace restored to Happytown, USA.
