Arroyo Grande
Dec. 11: A woman on Brighten Avenue threatened to harm her sister dearest.
Dec. 9: A man was at the RTA bus stop No. 21 had a current “trespass advisement” that bars him from even being at the stop. He was arrested and released upon signing a solemn promise to appear. Proving that you can’t teach an old fool new tricks, the mule was back again the next day and the next, to what must be a fantastic bus stop.
Dec. 8: Some guy got all touchy-feely with himself at the movie theater and was busted for alleged indecent exposure.
Dec. 7: There was insufficient evidence to support a neighbor’s complaint about children on Halcyon being exposed to the evil weed.
Dec. 4: Some female jumbo Jack stole an unattended purse from a seat at Jack In The Box.
Morro Bay
• Dec. 4: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle out at the suspect hour of 11:33 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 33-year-old woman driver was DMV’d for a suspended license.
• Dec. 4: At 10 p.m. police contacted a transient man in the 500 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The 59-year-old urban camper was cited for illegal camping, as the great outdoors gets slammed shut.
• Dec. 4: At 3:15 p.m. a 34-year-old scofflaw saw the error in her ways and turned herself in at the police station for a bench warrant. She was cited and released, apparently not worth the gas to drive to jail. At the exact same time in the 300 block of Embarcadero, police arrested a car for registration expired over 6 months.
• Dec. 3: Police did a little busy work today, making five traffic stops from 11:15 a.m. to 11:13 p.m. and documenting no other activities in logs. Five cars were impounded for parking violations or expired registration or no CDL for the drivers, as the fishing was good this day.
• Dec. 3: Police got a report of a disturbance at 8:26 a.m. at Lila Keiser Park, where some transient was runnin’ amok. A 52-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of illegal camping, the disturbance apparently forgiven.
• Dec. 3: Someone left his or her bicycle at the bottom of the Centennial Staircase and police are ridin’ it around now.
• Dec. 3: A 63-year-old harbor chick was arrested for suspicion of goin’ on a toot and blastin’ her foghorn at 1:22 a.m. in the 300 block of Embarcadero.
• Dec. 3: Police documented that a hooligan boy “left home against instructions and returned home,” an apparent case of Huh?
• Dec. 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:19 a.m. at Quintana and Kennedy Way for some no doubt trumped up code violation. The driver, 52, had a suspended license and she was cite-released; her car got 30 days. Then at 11:14 a.m. in the same general vicinity, came another red lights howdy for expired registration. Naturally, this dude’s license was also suspended because of a previous DUI. He was cited and released and his car was arrested, too.
• Dec. 1: Police responded at 3:52 p.m. to South Bay and State Park Roads for a single-vehicle crash. A 72-year-old sizzled gent was suspected of a DUI crash, also called a butt-toast badda-bingo.
• Dec. 1: Police responded at 9:40 a.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of San Joaquin. A 53-year-old hothead was nicked for disturbing the peace.
• Dec. 1: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 2:39 a.m. at Harbor and Morro. The fellow, 24, was popped for allegedly being hopped on drugs and went to County detox.
• Nov. 30: A disturbance was reported at 4:20 p.m. in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Un borracho, 37, was tossed to the nick for being sozzled and having an open container in a vehicle.
• Nov. 30: Someone stole something at some address in the 500 block of Elena.
• Nov. 30: Someone found undisclosed personal property on the beach and turned it in to police, as finder’s keeper’s falls further out of PC.
• Nov. 30: A citizen in the 2700 block of Main reported identity theft and now we have no idea who they are.
• Nov. 29: Police contacted a suspicious man at 9 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The yokel, 34, was tossed to the hounds for suspicion of being UTI, and having paraphernalia, his stash no doubt gone up in smoke.
• Nov. 29: Police responded at 7:51 p.m. to a larceny report in the 1700 block of Main, where someone’s Kindle Fire Tablet had been deleted. Logs said the suspected thief was identified and a crime report sent to the D.A.
• Nov. 28: Police contacted a woman at 4:30 p.m. at Albertsons on Quintana. She had two OC warrants and was cite-released under the catch-n-release job security program.
• Nov. 29: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 8:50 a.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The boozy floozy, 43, was arrested for suspicion of UTI, also called a wake-n-bake.
• Nov. 28: Police took a theft report at an antique store in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. No word on what was taken but it was probably old anyway.
• Nov. 28: Police responded to a disturbance at 10 a.m. in the 400 block of Hillview. Logs indicated a juvenile cur was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.
Pismo Beach
• Dec. 6: A caller on the 100 block of Cuyama reported that his son, who lives downstairs, was screaming and throwing things. It turns out he had his music blaring, a case of “I know it’s only rock ‘n’ roll, but I like it…”
• Dec. 6: A car in the valet parking lot at The Cliff’s had been running for 3 hours. The car was not registered to anyone at the resort. It was a rental car and the company located the bonehead.
• Dec. 5: A sloshed person attempting to get on the bus at the Outlet Center was taken to the hospital where no doubt a blood test was performed.
• Dec. 5: A caller on the 200 block of Christine reported that some Grinch tried to steal her Christmas decorations from the front yard.
• Dec. 5: A caller at the Outlet Center reported seeing a woman back out of a parking space and hit a pedestrian. She then reportedly got out of the car and yelled at the “victim” before taking off. Police tracked down the driver who had a warrant. As the story goes, it turns out that the “victim” slapped the woman’s car when she thought she was going to stop and knocked herself off balance and fell down, so it was not a smash-n-dash.
• Dec. 5: A car window on the 1600 block of Price Street was broken and a purse was stolen.
• Dec. 4: A caller on the 400 block of San Luis reported hearing a man’s voice and a woman yelling for help. The caller later heard them running possibly to nearby apartments. When police caught up with them, they said it was only an argument.
• Dec. 3: A citizen at the police station complained that a neighbor has “industrial strength” wind chimes and she can’t get any sleep. Police no doubt said it’d blow over.
• Dec. 1: Three people did a chew-n-screw at Denny’s on a $61.25 bill.
• Dec. 1: Extra patrols were requested at Motel 6 concerning a woman opening car doors. One guest reported that pocket change was stolen from her car.
• Dec. 1: A guy wearing a cowboy hat and riding a bike reportedly stole a package off a front porch on the 300 block of Oceanview.
• Dec. 1: Frozen dinners were stolen from California Fresh. The female thief was spied on surveillance camera.
San Luis Obispo
• Dec. 8: At 6:50 a.m. a guest in Rm. 113 said his car was burgled at the Courtyard Marriott on Calle Joaquin, as some scoundrel exerts the tourist tax.
• Dec. 8: A citizen called at 6 a.m. from the 1500 block of Froom Ranch Rd., and said some creepy transient carrying bags was standing by the ATM at Heritage Oaks Bank, but he’d withdrawn before police arrived.
• Dec. 8: At 5 a.m. a citizen in the 11400 block of LOVR complained about a car parked in the old SESLOC building blaring an audio book over the stereo.
• Dec. 8: At 3:04 a.m. SLOPD was asked to go to French Hospital to help another agency with a troublesome little booger. At 3:13, a mentally deranged fellow at Sierra Vista Hospital asked police to take him to French.
• Dec. 8: Police were called at 2:30 a.m. by an irate citizen in the 2000 block of McCollum who said there’d been a loud suction pump running for the past 2 hours, which really sucks.
• Dec. 8: A citizen on Alta Drive called at 12:51 a.m. to report a suspicious red sedan parked in front of his or her house. Police investigated and eventually arrested three young men in the car for suspicion of arson, having allegedly just torched the computer lab at SLO High School.
• Dec. 7: At 11:46 p.m. a citizen in the 1500 block of Madonna complained about a yelling woman, apparently haranguing her poor suffering son.
• Dec. 7: Police were alerted to suspicious circumstances at 10:51 p.m. in the 100 block of South St., where two roommates’ relationship was apparently headed south.
• Dec. 7: Police got a 9-1-1 hang-up call at 10:46 p.m. from Sierra Vista Hospital. Logs indicated a patient said he or she was being drugged, an apparent case of “Duh, it’s a hospital.”
• Dec. 7: Police were called at 10:23 p.m. to the 600 block of Higuera for a disturbance. A 20-something zig-zagged fellow was refusing to leave Kreuzberg Coffee Shop. He’d made like a tree before police arrived.
• Dec. 7: Police documented five cases where graffidiots left their marks.
• Dec. 7: At 8:10 p.m. police got a report of an assault at the Mustang Village student housing asylum.
• Dec. 7 A theft was reported in the 1200 block of Archer leaving a frown on someone’s face at Smiling Dog Yoga.
• Dec. 7: The homeless were restless at 7 p.m. at a Chevron station by the homeless shelter on Orcutt. Cooler heads prevailed without arrest.
• Dec. 7: A citizen in the 1300 block of Galleon reported a disturbance, a man and woman having a row on the sidewalk outside his or her home. Naturally, the Bickersons were gone when police arrived.
• Dec. 7: Police were called at 4:48 p.m. to a clothing store in the 700 block of Higuera after some creep started peeking into the dressing rooms. He was gone when officers arrived to teach him some manners.
• Dec. 7: Police were called at 4:46 p.m. to San Luis BBQ in the 600 block of Higuera where 15 transient hooligans were smoking weed and generally misbehaving. The boors were gone when police arrived to run them off.
• Dec. 7: Pol clld @ 4:30 to susp circs in 1300 blk Osos @ McDaniel Shorthand Reporters.
• Dec. 7: Police were called at 4:22 p.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Marsh where some blitzed bonehead was laying in the bushes boozin’ and hollering at people passing by.
• Dec. 7: Police responded to the 1000 block of Murray and ticketed a black Cadillac SUV that was parked in a handicapped space. In another hanging offense, someone left a blue shopping cart at Tonini and Devaul.
• Dec. 7: Police were alerted at 1 p.m. to a suspicious subject at Meadow and Funston where a man was following a female mailman, delivering on foot.
• Dec. 7: A disturbance was reported at 12:47 p.m. in the 1300 block of Madonna. A man said some ruffian at Burger King took a swing at him, no doubt because he couldn’t have it his way.
• Dec. 7: Police were asked to check the welfare of someone at Bed, Bath & Beyond on Madonna and logs indicated they called in paramedics for a man with a cut up face.
