San Luis Obispo
• April 14: Police were called at 6:46 a.m. by a woman on Caudill who needed rescue from her bi-polar daughter who’s off her meds and out of her head.
• April 14: At 6:26 a.m. in the 1000 block of Higuera some transient loudmouth was yammering on about arrests and the police inside Black Horse Espresso Bar. Naturally, ol’ Patrick Henry was gone when officers arrived to test his mettle.
• April 14: Police were called at 2:40 a.m. to check the welfare of a man who was laying half in the gutter, half on the sidewalk but apparently all in the bag at Phillips and Toro. The speed bump wandered off before they arrived.
• April 14: An alarm sounded at 2:13 a.m. in the 3900 block of Broad. Human error was the cause, as something was apparently off balance at Equilibrium Fitness.
• April 14: Police responded at 1:16 a.m. to a reported assault in the 300 block of Branch. Logs indicated their victim had a head injury.
• April 14: Police responded to a disturbance at 1 a.m. in the 700 block of Higuera, as some sozzled fellow apparently couldn’t pay his tab at Mo Tav. The polluted Palooka, 20, was nicked for being on the razzle.
• April 14: Police were called at 12:38 a.m. to Higuera and Garden where some dingus had been banging his bongo for an hour.
• April 13: Police responded at 10:50 p.m. to the 700 block of Foothill after some rotten apple stole from California Fresh Market.
• April 13: Police were called at 10:25 p.m. to the 1200 block of Coral for a suspicious subject, a man dressed in black who’s been standin’ on the corner, watchin’ all the girls go by…for an hour. He split.
• April 13: Police were called at 10:10 p.m. to the 800 block of Upham to quell a loud frat party at the Kappa Chi animal house. No violation was noted.
• April 13: Sheriff’s deputies asked SLOPD to respond at 10 p.m. to the 100 block of Higuera for an emergency at Sunshine Donuts. Logs indicated some scofflaw, 39, had a warrant, so he was hauled to the gaol, and no doubt a dozen frosted went too.
• April 13: Police were called at 9:20 p.m. to the Marsh Street parking garage where someone broke into a parked car. At 7:36, someone at the Palm Street garage reported a car burglary with a smashed window on the 3rd floor, so much for security.
• April 13: Police responded to a disturbance at 9:17 p.m. at Nipomo and Higuera. Some boisterous fellow was walking against traffic in the street and yelling obscenities, and no doubt wondering, “Why’s everyone going the wrong direction!?!”
• April 13: Police were called to a disturbance at 7:25 p.m. in the 1900 block of Broad. The caller had fired an employee and her husband/lawyer was now there “causing trouble,” as there was apparently no love lost at Amore.
• April 13: At 4:50 p.m. a trespassing transient was discovered in the 2200 block of Lawton at the Church of Christ, so they called police, cause charity don’t include fellows that scare the straights.
• April 13: Police responded at 3:25 p.m. to the 1300 block of Madonna, where two men were fighting at Burger King, no doubt each wanted it his way.
• April 13: A woman at Rite Aid on Foothill called 9-1-1 because the lock on her bike was rusted shut and she wanted it cut off, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• April 13: Police were called at 1:40 p.m. to Mitchell Park because two loud hopheads were sitting by the playground passing a bottle of vodka back and forth. A 56-year-old juice weasel got squeezed.
• April 13: Police got a call at 1:22 p.m. of possible prostitution in Rm. 130 at the Ramada Inn. It was unfounded, or perhaps a freebie?
• April 13: Someone rifled through a car in the 1000 block of Peach but found nothing worth stealing.
• April 13: Someone called 9-1-1 to report a man in the 600 block of California smoking a cigarette in a parking garage, a hanging offense here in San Loco.
• April 13: Police oversaw the towing away of a gold Honda Accord, a black, Toyota Forerunner, a black Mercedes C300 and a white Lexus RX300 from Lassen Natural Foods.
• April 13: Police were called to a disturbance at 12:22 p.m. in the 700 block of Francis at Rainbow Auto Painting, where a man was “yelling at no one,” which begs the question, “Then why call the cops?”
• April 13: Police responded to a “found property” call in the 1000 block of Mill at SLO Pension and Trust, but alas it wasn’t the City’s $125 million pension shortfall.
• April 13: Some high roller abandoned a gold, Cadillac Coupe Deville at Rancho Grande Motors.
