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San Luis Obispo

• April 28: Police responded to the 500 block of Cerro Romauldo after someone apparently abandoned ship and left their boat parked on the street.

• April 28: Police were called at 6:20 a.m. to the 3700 block of Higuera to run off a transient loiterer caught sleeping outside Central Coast Pathology. The slacker took off.

• April 28: Police got a call at 5:26 a.m. from a sorrowful woman at the Conserve Fuel station on Santa Rosa saying she feels like hurting herself.

• April 28: Police were called at 3:47 a.m. to the 1100 block of Laurel where some rag picker was rummaging through a garbage container and the super villain was also eying their recycling bin.

• April 28: Someone left his or her car running at 3:39 a.m. at Southwood and Laurel, apparently exceeding the carbon emissions toleration limits of the neighbors. The owner was located and no doubt advised that gas doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

• April 28: Police were called at 2:56 a.m. by a woman in the 600 block of Felton who said two men tried to enter her apartment and they were carrying golf clubs. Police couldn’t tee-up the duffers, who were apparently just playing through.

• April 28: Police were called to a “suspicious circumstances” at 1:44 a.m. in the 900 block of Olive at America’s Best Value Inn. Rm. 107 was “having a lot of visitors.”

• April 28: Police were called at 1:47 a.m. in the 800 block of Higuera where some tadpoles were croaking at the Frog & Peach Pub.

• April 28: Another joker was causing a ruckus at Marston’s at 12:33 a.m. That juice weasel, 21, went to the hoosegow.

• April 27: Police were called at 11:57 p.m. to the area of Higuera and Garden after some music critic complained about a guy playing saxophone too loudly, a hangin’ offense in this town.

• April 27: A woman called police at 10 p.m. because she was worried about her mentally ill son, who was apparently on the loose at Santa Rosa Park.

• April 27: Police responded at 9:56 p.m. to the 1000 block of Nipomo where some belligerent polluted fellow was outside the Children’s Museum making quite the exhibit of himself. He was checked into the iron bar hotel.

• April 27: Police were called to the 1400 block of Lizzie where some opportunistic thief broke into an unlocked car.

• April 27: Police were called at 8:55 p.m. to the 300 block of Madonna where a citizen said that the same maniac who threw bottles at him the day before had returned for round two.

• April 27: Police were asked at 10:55 p.m. to check the welfare of someone in the 2200 block of King. The caller said they were talking on the phone and the call just dropped and now it goes to voicemail. No report was done, as apparently they’d hung up.

• April 27: Police were called at 8:42 p.m. to Beach and Pismo where a man for the past week has been “livin’ in a van down by the riv-errr!” He’d left before they got there 45 minutes later.

• April 27: Someone abandoned a silver Ford Mustang in the 1600 block of Phillips.

• April 27: Police were called at 5 p.m. to Santa Rosa and Islay after someone reported muddy water flowing down the street. Public works came out and discovered a broken water main was undermining the roadway and causing a sinkhole in the middle of the street.

• April 27: Police got a report at 4:38 p.m. from a woman on Beach who thought she just witnessed in Emerson Park a hand-to-hand sale of the evil weed, which isn’t against the law anymore.

• April 27: Police were called at 3 p.m. to a disturbance in a property management company in the 500 block of Foothill. An irate tenant who is being evicted kicked in the office door, apparently just another satisfied customer. In another uncivilized incident at a mobile home park in the 3300 block of Higuera, the stepson of the owner showed up and the park manager called the cops. The prodigal black sheep wisely took off.

• April 27: Police were called at 1:45 p.m. to the 1200 block of Murray where a transient man set up camp in a parking garage.

• April 27: Police were called at 1:33 p.m. to Rosemary and Poinsettia to CTW of an erratically behaving woman throwing things into the air, as she apparently wasn’t a juggler. A minute earlier they got a report at Mission Chevron on Marsh, of a crazy man in the street yelling profanities. And at 9:47 a.m. in the 1300 block of Broad another model citizen was walking down the street towards Chorro screaming “DIE!!!”

• April 27: Police responded to Rite Aid on Foothill after some woman tried to pass three $100 bills that looked counterfeit. Footage from this attempted theft helped police to later catch three Fresnoids sleeping in a car outside Motel 6 and charge them with counterfeiting and drugs.

• April 27: Someone broke a window in the first block of Tassajara and no doubt shattered the peace as well.

• April 27: Police responded to SLOFD Sta. 1 in the 2100 block of Santa Barbara at 10:51 a.m. after they caught some suspicious fellow wandering around their apparatus bay while they were out on a call. He’d wandered off before police arrived. Twenty minutes earlier, someone reported a suspicious transient man wandering the parking lot at Burcheri Const., in the 900 block of Buchon peering into car windows and checking door handles.

• April 27: Police were called at 9:45 a.m. by a citizen in the 300 block of Lemon who said he or she just heard someone sneaking into their house through an open window, also called a hot burglary. Six officers were dispatched but the sneak thief apparently snuck away.

• April 27: Dispatch got a 9-1-1 call that was an open line with lots of noisy people in the background. Officers traced the call to Laguna Middle School. Some kid apparently butt dialed the cops.

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