San Luis Obispo
• Oct. 27: A citizen called at 6:30 a.m. to report someone creeping around California and Hathway by Campus Bottle Shop. No unusual weirdoes were encountered. At 6:06, a woman in the 1000 block of Willow said she believes she saw someone hiding in her carport. That ghost too had vanished.
• Oct. 27: Police were notified at 5:48 a.m. of some transient parked overnight in the Parker Street Laundry on Parker Street.
• Oct. 27: Police were called at 4:52 a.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Foothill at Black Horse Espresso Bar. An apparently hopped up woman was outside and refusing to beat it. At 4:04, a transient man was refusing to leave Denny’s.
• Oct. 27: A woman in the 1500 block of Huckleberry said she heard a truck on her street and believes some chuckle berry is casing the neighborhood.
• Oct. 27: At 2:07 a.m. someone at Taco Bell on Santa Rosa called 9-1-1 to report a dark blue BMW was parked in a handicapped space, in yet another abuse by the one-percent.
• Oct. 27: Police were called at 1:35 a.m. to SLO Brew on Higuera for some undisclosed debauchery but the Schnauzer was gone. Then low and behold, at 1:42, another disturbing fellow was reported a few doors away ruining the vibe at Ambiance. A 22-year-old was tossed into the County re-education center for alleged battery and pushing tin.
• Oct. 27: A citizen called at 312:41 a.m. from the 300 block of San Miguel and said she hears someone walking in her backyard. The creeper was gone.
• Oct. 27: Someone called at midnight and said a juice weasel he or she knows is on probation is about to drive on a toot out of Downtown.
• Oct. 26: A man called at 11:22 p.m. and asked police to save him from his aggressive girlfriend — the 52nd way to leave your lover…
• Oct. 26: A citizen called police at 11:07 p.m. from the 1200 block of Mill and said a woman was screaming that her boyfriend was beating her. She couldn’t be found.
• Oct. 26: Police were called at 10:47 p.m. about a loud house party in the 1100 block of Foothill. Logs said 50 Cal Poly students were getting drunk. A woman was advised to cease and de-shut up.
• Oct. 26: A man in the 200 block of Margarita called and said his drunken brother was threatening to kill his parents with a knife. Police arrested the apparent black sheep, 32, cooled his heels in County lockup for DIP.
• Oct. 26: A citizen in a mobile home park in the 3800 bloc of Higuera said a woman in the trailer next door was screaming, “Let me go!”
• Oct. 26: Police were called at 6:57 p.m. to the 200 block of Madonna because some transient man was sitting outside Kohl’s smoking a cigar. At 6:12 at the bus stop at Osos and Palm, some transient apparent pyro was trying to light trees on fire with a lighter, in this week’s examples of why we need SWAT.
• Oct. 26: A citizen called at 4:40 p.m. from the 800 block of Murray and said there was a strange woman hiding in his backyard bushes. The apparent nymph was gone.
• Oct. 26: Someone called at 4:11 p.m. from the 100 block of Granada at Toy Runner Automotive to report a boat parked in a handicapped space, as being a boat out of water apparently doesn’t count.
• Oct. 26: A citizen in the 800 block of Pismo at 4:07 p.m. reported a man was changing his clothes in front of a white SUV with a City of SLO sign on it.
• Oct. 26: Some Billy goat gruff on Bridge Street complained about two trolls hanging out underneath the bridge.
• Oct. 26: A citizen at Throop park called at 2:30 p.m. and said some creepy dude was hanging around talking to himself and ogling the kids at the park.
• Oct. 26: Police were called at 12:49 p.m. to the first block of Foothill after a power pole ran in front of some drunken dingus at Calvary Baptist Church. The sinner was arrested under the 12th Commandment — “Thou shall not drive deep in your cups.”
