San Luis Police Blotter

• March 31: At 6 a.m. a citizen in the 1700 block of Prefumo Canyon Rd., reported a menace to society with a flashlight going through a recycling bin, in yet another example of why we need SWAT.
• March 31: At 3:42 a.m. a citizen in the 600 block of Caudill said a suspicious woman knocked on his or her door and asked for “Kyle,” but no Kyle lives there, a hanging offense in these here parts.
• March 31: At 3:28 a.m. dispatch documented repeated calls to the watch commander from some drunken woman in the Garden Street Alley.
• March 31: Police responded at 1 a.m. to the 2900 block of Augusta where a citizen said his locked bike was on the porch when it was stolen, the bike not the porch.
• March 31: Police were called at 12:30 a.m. to the 800 block of Marsh where a woman said some suspicious man outside Jamba Juice followed her around, but the juice weasel gave police the slip.
• March 31: At 12:35 a.m. someone reported some drunk-as-the-devil fooliot was haunting Mission Plaza.
• March 31: At 12:23 a.m. police responded to a loud party in the 1500 block of Oceanaire, where some Poly kid and five guests were advised to cease and de-shut up.
• March 30: Police were called to a disturbance at 10:47 p.m. outside the Fremont Theater. Logs indicated a blasted woman won’t leave and was pushing people picking a fight. The 26-year-old saucy gal was nicked for a little attitude adjustment.
• March 30: At 10:30 p.m. a citizen in the 11900 block of LOVR said she was awoken by a loud basketball game at Pacific Beach H.S. Police arrived 7 minutes later and the game was apparently over.
• March 30: At 10:15 p.m. a woman in the 400 block of High said she and her friend just got back to her friend’s house and the front door is ajar.
• March 30: Police were called at 9:33 p.m. to the 3500 block of Bullock where a woman said she was being bothered by lots of loud Spanish-speaking people. Police decided there was no crime in that.
• March 31: Police were called at 9:45 p.m. to the 2200 block of Lawton because there was some poor unfortunate meek person in a sleeping bag asleep on the lawn at the Church of Christ.
• March 30: Police responded at 8:13 p.m. to the Amtrak Station where some boorish fellow with a flashlight was wandering the parking lot screaming profanities. The foul-mouthed dingus disappeared. In another call, at 9:57 p.m., in the 3300 block of Higuera, some other boor was outside Heritage Oaks Bank screaming profanities. That fruit loop dingus was scooped up for suspicion of being high on drugs.
• March 30: Police were called at 7 p.m. to French Park on Fuller to save humanity from a woman in a red sleeping bag asleep on the grass by the ball field.
• March 30: Police scooped up a couple of regular customers with warrants at Motel 6. So turn the lights out for ‘em.
• March 30: Police towed off an illegally parked car in the 700 block of Higuera, outside Heavenly Couture sending some poor schmuck to impound-yard hell.
• March 30: Police responded to the 1000 block of Jane for a reported vandalism. Some little sh*t scratch “Hi Poo” into the passenger-side door. Earlier at 12:11 p.m. someone at that address reported something etched into her car with a rock.
• March 30: Police responded at 5:05 p.m. to the 200 block of Madonna after some sneaky crook tried to pay for a haircut with a counterfeit Franklin. She apparently got away before being clipped.
• March 30: Police and fire responded at 3:53 p.m. to the 3100 block of Higuera for an injury crash at the DMV.
• March 30: Police were called at 3:57 p.m. to the 2800 block of Augusta for eight hooligan kids on the roof of the restroom at Johnson Park.
• March 30: A citizen notified police that an employee told him there was an apparently fried transient man passed out at Laguna Grill. At 2:14 in the 1000 block of Pacific they had another report of a transient man sleeping in a locked garbage enclosure.
• March 30: Police were called at 1:51 p.m. to the 2200 block of Broad where they found a fake $5 bill in the cash register at Oki Momo Asian Grill.
• March 30: Police were called at 12:49 p.m. to the 1100 block of Islay where some transient, apparent Jezebel, was laying down in a neighbor’s driveway with her legs waving in the air.
• March 30: Another rag picker was mining the trash at 11:21 a.m. in the 1600 block of Mill and armed with a hooked wire coat hanger.
• March 30: At 11:10 a.m. police were sent to the Jennifer Street Bridge where some hysterical woman was running around screaming and kicking parked cars.
• March 30: Police got an abandoned 9-1-1 call from the 600 block of Santa Rosa at the offices off Burkhart and Salzgeber. On callback, dispatchers reportedly couldn’t circumvent the phone tree.
• March 30: Police were called at 10:22 a.m. to City Hall because a transient man was passed out in the men’s room. Officers escorted the bothersome taxpayer out the door.