Arroyo Grande
• Aug. 10: A reported case of jewelry stolen from a safety deposit at Bank of America was unfounded.
• Aug. 10: A woman on the 1200 block of Farroll was arrested for possessing weapons and narcotics following a domestic dispute.
• Aug. 8: Some bad luck charm on Nice Avenue was contacted about a burglary and was busted for being in possession of narcotics for sale, as well as a probation violation.
• Aug. 8: A woman on the 600 block of La Vista Court was arrested for a grand slam. She was suspected of driving drunk, had a child in the car, was driving on a suspended license for DUI and had an outstanding warrant.
Morro Bay
• Aug. 9: So a man goes into Coast Electronics says he wants to compare two laptop computers, presumably because he wants to buy one or the other. The clerk shows him the merchandise, and then turns to help another customer and the scurvy dog walked out the door with both laptops, using the help-yourself checkout line. Video surveillance caught the thief’s image and police are hot on the trail of the master criminal.
• Aug. 9: Police responded to a disturbance at 11 a.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated they took a 32-year-old battleaxe Downtown on a citizen’s arrest for alleged battery, as she might have won the fight but the war is just beginning.
• Aug. 9: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 5:38 a.m. at Tide and Kodiak. Logs indicated the woman driver was arrested for suspicion of being higher than Hollister Peak on drugs, possession of a hypodermic needle and of course driving on a suspended, which apparently explains how they found her spike. She was injected into the Parkinson Plaza.
• Aug. 8: Police and firefighters responded at 6:10 p.m. to Morro Bay Boulevard and Main Street after a City street tree cut loose a large branch that came down on a legally parked vehicle with “minor” damage done and injuring none. The hooligan tree was no doubt cited and released to remain where it is.
• Aug. 8: At 4 p.m. police caught up to a suspected shoplifter in the 800 block of Embarcadero and returned the alleged thief and her ill gotten booty back to the store. The storeowner declined to prosecute but no doubt told the sneak to never darken their doors again, which ain’t much of a deterrent.
• Aug. 7: At 10:22 p.m. police responded to a report of a loud argument in the 400 block of Quintana Rd., where they met a man who “displayed symptoms of being under the influence of an alcoholic beverage,” you know, slurrrin’ you speesh? He was reportedly unable to walk on his own, according to logs, and was taken to the hospital to be checked out (make sure he ain’t havin’ a stroke or something) and then tossed to the nick to sleep it off.
• Aug. 7: Police were at Lila Keiser Park and devil’s den, at 10 p.m. where they found a regular customer who had skipped a date with lady justice. Then at 10:16, they found another old friend in the 1100 block of Main and he too had an invite from the judge, on a 2-fer night.
• Aug. 7: A tourist called police at 3 p.m. to report being ripped off in the ol’ fake vacation rental scam. The man told police that he’d rented a home off Craig’s list in the 3100 block of Beachcomber for $900, apparently paying in advance, and when he arrived to check in, found that the house didn’t exist, or maybe they’re still waiting for a building permit.
• Aug. 7: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 1 a.m. in the 500 block of the Boulevard who had two warrants. The 52-year old was cited and released to go forth and offend no more. Well, that didn’t work. At 10:55 a.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 800 block of Market. Low and behold, the same shining example was now allegedly drunk and disorderly. This time she hit the sheets in the County B&B.
• Aug. 6: Police contacted a swizzle stick swaddling down Pacific at Kern at 12:30 p.m. Logs indicated they arrested the borracho for suspicion of being schwasted.
• Aug. 6: A City street tree dropped another big limb in the 1000 block of Main crashing down onto yet another parked car, the first of two tree incidents over two days, and we used to worry about seagulls.
• Aug. 6: Police stopped a vehicle at 7:06 a.m. in the area of Coral and Easter. Logs indicated the 40-year-old driver got the book thrown at him — suspicion of DUI, being high on drugs, possessing drugs and paraphernalia, and of course driving on a suspended, which is no doubt how they get to searching his car.
• Aug. 5: Police contacted another citizen-of-the-year at 10:30 p.m. in the 500 block of Monterey. A 33-year-old chap was whisked off to the tower for allegedly being in an altered state of mind due to some form of narcotic, my dear What-sun.
Yes, Holmes but the very next day, at 9:11 p.m. it was, they contacted the same chap near the place, you know. He was ah-gain, tossed to the cots for no doubt still being under the weather, so to speak.
• Aug. 5: Someone turned in a Bluetooth cell phone earpiece he or she found and apparently didn’t think to toss in the nearest trashcan. And someone else turned over a knife they found on Greenwood for police to destroy, at City expense.
• Aug. 5: A citizen in the 500 block of Bonita reported that sometime overnight some scoundrel stole the license plates off his ride. Earlier, at 3 a.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle at Main and Preston and cited the 24-year-old muchacho for no license.
• Aug. 3: Police went to the 900 block of Main to TKD Surf Shop after a 36-year-old dude from Sacramento used a credit card to rent a surfboard and boogie board and when he came back, his card was denied, so he’s either innocently out of cash or a fraud thief in need of a new get-away plan. On the opposite end of the honesty spectrum, someone turned in to police a Samsung Tablet they found somewhere in town.
• Aug. 3: At 2:46 a.m. police contacted a familiar fellow at Main and Radcliff. The 25-year-old scofflaw was allegedly in violation of parole for being UTI. Now he’s SOL and OTJ.
Pismo Beach
• Aug. 12: A transient was reported behind a storage bin used by lifeguards in the Addie Street lot. The caller believed that several people were storing their belongings at a vacant house in the area. In other news, a guy was arrested for being crapulous after refusing to leave the Addie Street bathrooms.
• Aug. 12: A guy on the beach was reportedly yelling and waving his hands in the air. Everything checked out fine and he left the area. No word on what the hullabaloo was about.
• Aug. 11: A guy pulling a wagon and claiming to be a lifeguard reportedly approached a caller and her boyfriend and proceeded to search their backpacks and take down their information. He also asked them about drug use. When she asked for his ID, he told them to close their eyes and “count to 100.”
• Aug. 11: Some ne’er-do-wells trying to get on the roof of the Pismo Hotel were advised to get down.
• Aug. 11: A computer was reportedly stolen from the youth office at New Life Community Church.
• Aug. 11: A guy walked into a business on the 600 block of Price and inquired about sexual favors. He was advised regarding trespassing, and no doubt advised that the perv store is in Grover.
• Aug. 8: Management at Dolphin Cove Motel wanted some assistance evicting loud guests. Everyone shared their feeling and the loud mouths were given another chance.
• Aug. 8: A wallet was reported stolen at Rite Aid. About 20 minutes later, a few doors down at California Fresh, a wallet and cell phone were reported stolen. Forty minutes later someone, who had been getting increasingly aggressive, forcibly pushed open the doors at the grocery store.
• Aug. 8: A possible party in a garage on the 300 block of Park Avenue turned out to be a loud radio. Later on the same block, a man was reportedly yelling and kids were screaming. Everything checked out okay. It was a grandmother and four little girls.
• Aug. 8: A woman sleeping on a bench on the 500 block of Dolliver was as advised of the no camping without a home rule.
• Aug. 7: A customer at Golden Donut was creating a ruckus over a parking issue and refused to leave.
• Aug. 7: A vehicle was reportedly broken into and the back window was smashed. Nothing appeared to be missing. The caller believed the window had “spontaneously shattered” and didn’t want to make a report.
• Aug. 7: Two people and a cat were reportedly bitten by a miserable mongrel at the Holiday RV Park. When an ambulance arrived, the people were already at the vet with the cat. County animal services was called.
• Aug. 7: A call to medics was canceled after a woman on the pier got a fish hook stuck in her thumb.
• Aug. 7: Police were unable to locate a transient who tied a pit bull to a chair in the California Fresh Parking lot. The poor dog was running through the parking lot dragging the chair and had hit a couple of cars.
• Aug. 7: A caller on the 400 block of Ocean View reported five girls, wearing very little clothing, had arrived in two cars and parked on the wrong side of the road. The scantily-clad vixens left in a vehicle with a bunch of men. A citation for the parking job was issued, but there was no word on where the party was.
San Luis Obispo
• Aug. 12: Police were called at 6:41 a.m. to Marsh and Higuera about a suspicious subject, described as an white, transient, old man, bald headed, with a gray beard, 5’5” wearing a gray shirt and jeans, no word on what was specifically suspicious about that.
• Aug. 12: Someone called police at 6:38 a.m. to complain about a leaf blower in the parking lot at Bank of America on Higuera. Police arrived at 7:12 and the ruckus was over, must get paid by the job not the hour.
• Aug. 12: At 6 a.m. the clerk at Holiday Inn Express on Monterey told dispatchers that a transient man on crutches asked him for some water.
• Aug. 12: Police were called to the 11600 block of LOVR at 2:40 a.m. for a report of a suspicious man who keeps taking his belt off and apparently then putting it back on, off-and-on… No report was done, as de-belting yourself is apparently not yet against the law.
• Aug. 12: Police were called at 12:25 a.m. to the 2800 block of Johnson, for a loud party. Logs indicated a Cuesta student with eight guests was warned to shadd-up already, no doubt one of them Promise-ing students.
• Aug. 11: Police were called at 11 p.m. to French Hospital to assist them with a patient who was being discharge but really needed to be 86’d.
• Aug. 11: Police were called at 9:17 p.m. by a citizen at Southwood and Sycamore who complained about a group of loud people who gather every Tuesday in the parking lot of a church, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Aug. 11: At 7:22 p.m. a burglar alarm went off in the 400 block of Madonna at Batteries Plus. T’was human error the cause, not a faulty battery.
• Aug. 11: Police and paramedics responded at 6:18 p.m. to the 200 block of Madonna, where a woman collapsed inside McDonald’s, see, Big Macs’ll kill ya (just kidding, she was OK).
• Aug. 11: Police were called at 4:25 p.m. to the 800 block of Monterey for a guy banging sticks on the outside wall at the Chamber of Commerce and playing chicken with traffic. Police told the matador to knock it off. In an earlier yet similar event, at 3:21 at Garden and Higuera, another fruit-loop dingus was walking in the street waving a cigarette around and taunting, no doubt, “Ooh, look at me, I’m smoke-ing!”
• Aug. 11: Police are investigating a reported commercial burglary in the 300 block of Marsh at Napa Auto Parts, a case of “One piece at a time, and it won’t cost me a dime…”
• Aug. 11: An elderly vigilant resident on Osos complained to City park rangers about someone smoking in Mitchell Park, a hangin’ offense in these parts.
• Aug. 11: Police were called at 9:38 a.m. to the Parks and Rec office in the 1300 block of Nipomo because some guy came into the lobby, plugged his cell phone in and then left it to charge. The 42-year-old moocher was arrested for allegedly resisting arrest.
• Aug. 11: At 7:38 a.m. in the 100 block of Hind, a semi truck backed into a fire hydrant and sent water gushing 30-feet into the air and wasting tens of thousands of gallons, the second such incident in the past couple of weeks, as water conservation meets Mr. Murphy.
• Aug. 11: A woman called at 6:36 p.m. from Patricia and Highland to report a suspicious man wearing only pants, no shirt or shoes. Ol’ Tarzan was gone when police arrived.
• Aug. 10: Someone called at 9:15 p.m. to report four transient men draining their lizards at the foot of the Jennifer Street Railroad Bridge. Police cited the swine.
• Aug. 10: A man called at 8:40 p.m. from the 100 block of Higuera and said his ex-wife had six or seven cars follow him to Sunshine Donuts.
• Aug. 10: Someone called police at 2:30 p.m. from Mission Plaza with a tale of five transient trolls drinking hooch under the footbridge. They took off before the Billy Goats Gruff showed up.
