Arroyo Grande
• June 23: Police found insufficient evidence to support either claim from two women who accused each other of battery that occurred some time in April.
• June 23: Some games and eight binders of Magic the Gathering playing cards were stolen from a car on Halycon Road. Someone is going to be hexed.
• June 24: Credit cards and cash were stolen from a locked video store on Ash Street. The credit cards were used at multiple locations.
• June 24: Some guy fighting who knows what in the street on the 100 block of Nevada was busted for losing the fight with sobriety.
Morro Bay
• June 28: A woman was walking along the 900 block of Embarcadero at 8:24 p.m. when she apparently tripped and fell face-first onto the ground. Paramedics dusted her off, sent her to the hospital for treatment and she was released to no doubt call her lawyer.
• June 28: Someone in the 400 block of Harbor reported at 4 p.m. that some mo-fo swiped his skateboard. Logs said, “No further investigative leads” though the nearest hooligan might be a good start.
• June 28: Police contacted a suspicious man at 12:48 p.m. at the Morro Rock parking lot. The 57-year-old scofflaw had three warrants from Tulare County totaling $105,000 for some undisclosed rascality. He was tossed to the nick pending a ride home.
• June 28: A citizen in the 900 block of Marina reported at 2:49 a.m. that a suspicious man was going through the mailboxes. Police identified the suspect as a 33-year-old local and caught up to the dude lots of mailboxes away at Kern and Ridgeway. He was naturally arrested for suspicion of being high on more than life, and possession of suspected meth. His mailbox mining was apparently not successful this night.
• June 28: At 9:01 p.m. a citizen in the 900 block of Allesandro complained about his or her neighbor doing construction work late into the night, also called a Morro Bay felony.
• June 27: Police logs indicated that officers arrested a 56-year-old man at 8:12 a.m. by the launch ramp for suspicion of boating with just one oar in the water. The 56-year-old inebriate was tossed into the brig.
• June 26: A citizen in the 500 block of Avalon told police that some clueless thief got into his unlocked shed and stole the keys to a motor scooter.
• June 26: Police responded at 3:48 p.m. to a disturbance in the 2800 block of Main. A 52-year-old bent fellow was nicked for suspicion of being deep in his cups.
• June 26: At 2:42 p.m. in the 600 block of Quintana, a telephone pole jumped in front of a car. No injuries reported, but don’t tell the pole that.
• June 25: A citizen in the 3300 block of Whidbey Way reported a burglary. Logs said there were no further investigative leads, so chalk another one up for the crooks.
• June 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at the suspect time of 6:16 a.m. at Main and San Jacinto. A 28-year-old Arroyo Grande woman was cited for a suspended license, so get thee to the DMV… stopping first at the ATM.
• June 24: Police followed up on a previous case in the area of Driftwood and Morro where they arrested a 26-year-old man for suspicion of possessing stolen items, burglary tools and drug paraphernalia, his stash no doubt already shot. Back on June 19, the same fellow was arrested for allegedly using lock-picks to break into a catering trailer at The Grill Hut on Quintana. He was charged then with suspicion of attempted burglary and having burglary tools.
• June 23: A citizen in the 1000 block of Allesandro said that security cameras were stolen off the top of a mini storage, a case of a lot of fat good those did.
• June 23: A woman came to the police department and turned herself in on a warrant. Police cited and released her with a promise to appear, no doubt what Einstein meant when he defined insanity.
• June 23: At 1:30 a.m. police came across a fellow asleep in a car in the 3300 block of Toro at the natural area park. Logs said he was arrested because the car was stolen, and no doubt easier than getting a room for the night.
• June 22: At 11:05 p.m. at Main and Quintana, police arrested a 28-year-old Los Osos woman, whom they allege was higher than the stacks on drugs.
• June 22: At 9:50 p.m. police and paramedics responded to Rite Aid where a man fell and conked his head on a concrete pillar. He was taken to the hospital and police took his stuff for safekeeping. No word on the pillar’s condition.
• June 21: A woman in the 2900 block of Alder told police that her car was stolen about a week ago. They found it the next morning and returned it; she declined to press charges, for what’s a little auto theft between friends?
• June 21: At 11:12 a.m. they arrested a man in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., for the suspicion of being looped.
• June 21: A disturbance was reported at 6:44 in the 900 block of Main and police arrested a 31-year-old borracho for being smashed and no doubt fodder for Donald Trump.
• June 20: A man told police that he locked his bike at the Post Office June 19 at 11 a.m. and when he came back to get it at 12:30 the next afternoon, the lock had been cut off and the bike stolen.
• June 19: A trailer with no license or registration was impounded for being on a public street. The next day police impounded a 48-year-old man in the 1700 block of Main for suspicion of trespassing, aggressive panhandling and imbibing in public. Which one you think will get out first?
• June 19: Police arrested three rowdies at 8:23 p.m. allegedly drinking hooch in City Park where the tourists can see them.
• June 19: At 8:28 a.m. there was a 2-car crash at South Bay and Quintana. No injuries reported. Then at 9:26 a.m. two other cars crashed at Hwy 41 and Main, and again there were no injuries.
• June 19: Police were called at 12:16 a.m. to help corral climbers on Morro Rock, a hanging offense in these parts.
• June 17: Police responded at 12:49 a.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where they arrested a 53-year-old Santa Maria woman for alleged possession of drugs, paraphernalia and being UTI, her vacation no doubt in ruins now.
• June 16: An 18-year-old fellow named after a famous poet, was caught allegedly shoplifting at Albertson’s. He was cited and released to go gentle into that good night…
Pismo Beach
• July 1: A woman was reportedly saying “Oh my God” in the Pismo Food Store and then she left. OMG lady.
• July 1: A homeless woman on the 500 block of Five Cities Drive turned a stop sign around and was yelling, or perhaps singing “Stop in the name of love.” The caller said that the woman seemed violent. She was told not to turn signs around.
• July 1: Two teenagers were reportedly having sex in a hot tub at Pismo Shore Estates. They were both of age and were escorted off the property.
• July 1: Two people were reportedly lighting fireworks and throwing them in the street on the 1000 block of Price. They were both from Canada where fireworks are legal, yet Independence Day isn’t celebrated.
• July 1: A woman was arrested after she stumbled out of her car and landed in Harry’s. They refused to serve her but she did get served by the police.
• June 30: Police were unable to locate a suspicious person tying his shoes in the bushes on the 200 block of Oceanview.
• June 30: A caller reported a man and a woman arguing in front of Huckleberry’s and disturbing customers. When police arrived they were told that the woman was just “a loud talker being her normal self.”
• June 30: Some guy at Harry’s managed to drink up a $300 tab and then his credit card was declined. He did not return to pay the bill, but they had his credit card.
• June 28: An officer was flagged down for a report of a girl lying in the street on Dolliver. Her parents, who were staying at Pismo Coast Village, didn’t have a car and couldn’t pick her up. The speed bump was turned over to a sober party.
• June 28: A man behind the bathrooms in the pier parking lot was harassing people by calling them names and using obscenities. The upstanding gentleman was arrested for being drunk in public.
• June 28: Feces were reportedly spread all over the place and a toilet was overflowing in the women’s bathroom at the pier, which is just crappy.
• June 28: A snake was reported in front of a house on the first block of Valley View. The caller later reported that it was a king snake and Homeland Security was canceled.
• June 27: Police were unable to locate a reported man and a woman sitting in a car possibly smoking cocaine on the 400 block of Oceanview.
• June 26: A caller on the 100 block of Florin said that she had gone to pick up her child from her ex-husband and it appeared that he had moved.
San Luis Obispo
• July 2: Police got a 9-1-1 call at 2:30 a.m. from a hysterical woman who said she saw someone with a red flashlight, presumably outside, otherwise you’d be hysterical too.
• July 1: Police were called at 8 a.m. to the 100 block of Brook at Eto Park for a report of transient trash in the park, which could be taken two ways.
• July 1: Someone called at 8:45 a.m. from Lunetta and Palomar to report a white truck parked in front of a hydrant and in a fire lane no less, this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• July 1: A disturbance was reported at 8:16 a.m. in the 2200 block of Lawton outside the Church of Christ. A man and woman were behaving most unchristian-like screaming and throwing things. The Philistines left before police arrived.
• July 1: Someone called 9-1-1 at 8:30 a.m. to report some folks belting the grape at the Damon Garcia Sports fields. Logs said police could only cite the anarchists for smoking cigarettes.
• July 1: At 10:22 a.m. police were called to address a mess with an unwelcome guest at Ross Dress for less.
• July 1: Someone called 9-1-1 at 1 p.m. to report an 80-year-old man was at the bus stop on Broad at the Marigold Center drunk as a lord. His majesty apparently abdicated the throne before police arrived. In an unrelated incident, at 1:13, someone reported a lady stumblebum at Tank Farm and Waverly, who “had no property with her,” according to logs.
• July 1: Someone at Haggen’s Market on Johnson reported a suspicious dude scoping out the parked cars and watching the shoppers come and go. The 64-year old had a warrant and was given a room at the Parkinson Plaza.
• July 1: Police were called at 2:52 p.m. to Sandy’s Liquors at Nipomo and Higuera for a reported shoplifter. A 23-year old, sticky-fingered fellow was snatched up on suspicion of burglary, essentially going into a store with no money and rascal intent.
• July 1: Police were called to the first block of La Entrada because a bicycle had been locked to a pole on the sidewalk for three weeks.
• July 1: Police responded at 4 p.m. to the 1200 block of Chorro at Chase Bank where a 93-year-old woman smacked into a railing next to the handicap spot, a symbolic crash what is a symbolic crash.
• July 1: At 7:25 p.m. police were called to the 1000 block of Vista for a subject — who must be on drugs — because he was in his garage and barricaded himself in a shed. No report, as that’s apparently not yet against the law.
• July 1: Police were called at 7:30 p.m. to the 700 block of Higuera because a 20-something transient man was ruining the vibe at Bliss Café. He was advised to take the show on the road.
• July 1: Someone called at 10 p.m. from the 1100 block of Montalban and said there was a strange, loud drumming noise. Police rousted some transient fellow camping in the area, a case of drumming up trouble.
• June 29: Police responded at 9 a.m. to the 800 block of Higuera for a citizen’s request for more patrols especially at night at the Wineman Hotel, no doubt a name change might be in order, too.
• June 29: Police responded at 9:24 a.m. to the 1300 block of Fredericks where some brut apparently took his aggression out on a pair of innocent stop signs. In another case of random vandalism, someone tore a side gate off a house in the 100 block of Kentucky.
• June 29: At 10:36 a.m. someone in the 2800 block of Flora reported a woman acting strangely. She had a blank stare and strange gait, according to the caller, and she’s probably on drugs, too. She was apparently sober enough to give police the slip.
• June 29: Police were sent at 1:09 p.m. to the CVS Store on Marsh for a shoplifter with a future so bright, he’s gotta steal shades… At 6:40, they caught another scoundrel who tried to steal a pair of sunglasses and a bottle of wine.
• June 29: A man in the first block of Tassajara told police that his roommate has been sending “weird texts” and might be heading for a bad ending.
• June 29: Someone at Marsh and Morro complained about some transient man sitting too long on a public bench behind Barnes & Noble, and they wanted him moved along. Then at 4, at California and Monterey, someone reported another loudmouth yelling at passing cars and pedestrians, clear examples that even loitering and noise ordinances trump the First Amendment.
• June 29: Someone called at 4:42 p.m. from Foothill and Chorro to report a woman in a light-colored top, brown pants, wearing a hat and draggin’ around a suitcase keeps stepping into the road. The potential speed bump was advised to knock it off. And in another human hazard call, at 5:18 p.m. someone in the 2900 block of Broad reported a guy in a wheelchair was parked in the bike lane.
• June 29: Police were called at 6:30 p.m. to Mitchell Park for two men acting strangely. Logs indicated one took of his pants and keeps staring at the children’s playground. Ol’ Chester checked out harmless, creepiness apparently not a factor.
• June 29: A woman called police at 7:51 p.m. and said she’d tracked her stolen cell phone to the McDonald’s parking lot on Madonna Road, as apparently the Hamburglar has changed M.O.s. Then at 9:21, a woman at McDonald’s told police, “this drug dealing family has been stalking her friend.”
• June 29: Police were asked to check the welfare of a transient man at Cazadero and San Luis with lots of bags, who appears disheveled, well Fred Astaire he ain’t OK.
• June 29: A woman called police at 8:36 p.m. about a disturbance in the 2100 block of Broad at the Broad Street Laundromat. A no doubt sudsy fellow challenged her husband to a fight.
