Arroyo Grande
•June 17: A caller on the 300 block of Elm Street reported that his or her car had been permanently damaged by someone kicking it.
•June 17: Some unlucky people came home to find their house being burglarized on the 600 block of Myrtle.
•June 16: Some anger management class reject was arrested on Alder Street after kicking in a door to a home.
•June 11: A caller on the 1100 block of Ash reported a wallet was stolen from inside his house. Prime suspect is a transient who had stayed at the home.
•June 11: A caller on the 1200 block of East Grand reported a jewelry store window had been smashed and items where stolen.
•June 11: A guy, who had been released from County Mental Health, was arrested after he walked into the Department of Social Services and threatened to hit anyone that he could.

Morro Bay
• June 14: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:30 p.m. in the 13700 block of Cerro Alto Rd., about half way to A-town. The driver was “determined to be in possession of hash,” as someone needs a better hiding spot. He or she was cited and released, and could probably use a hit right about now.
• June 14: Two Morro Bay drivers went badda-bing at 12:14 p.m. as the Roundabout claims a couple more. There were no injuries.
• June 13: At 7:39 p.m. police arrested a 42-year-old woman in the 800 block of MBB for suspicion of being high on drugs, which might be expected when one walks into the police station.
• June 13: Police responded at 3:15 p.m. to the 100 block of Main where an elderly woman said a boorish man keeps harassing her.
• June 13: Police responded at 2:12 p.m. to Rite Aid where they arrested a 77-year-old sticky-fingered fellow who allegedly shoplifted $93.10 worth of merchandise, no word on if it was medicine or booze — they sell both.
• June 13: Police contacted a man at 12:15 a.m. outside Rite Aid. Logs indicated the 19-year-old all star was booked for suspicion of being wigged.
• June 12: Police contacted a suspected inebriated woman at 5:32 p.m. in the 700 block of Embarcadero who was hooked up and locked up in short order.
• June 12: Police stopped a vehicle at 2:56 a.m. in the 1300 block of Embarcadero and logs indicated the 26-year-old driver from New Orleans was cited for “falsifying registration of a vehicle by placing another vehicle’s license plate on the vehicle,” something that’s no doubt normal for the swamp people.
• June 10: Police stopped a vehicle at 8:19 p.m. at Harbor and Front and tossed the driver to the clink for suspicion of driving nicked on drugs.
• June 9: A man at the Inn at Morro Bay reported the theft of a gold ring, at least that’s all the little woman needs to know. They also took a report from the 600 block of Atascadero Rd., of a stolen weed eater, and if there’s any justice, they’ll never get the dang thing started. Some mutt also stole a paddleboard from the 2900 block of Dogwood.
• June 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 7:16 p.m. on Bonita where a woman said her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend of 7 months “with whom she has an intimate relationship,” according to logs, “grabbed her wrists, pinned her down, slapped her face and pushed her around causing bruising.” On June 9 at 11:30 a.m. he was back and police arrested the scoundrel for suspicion of domestic violence.
• June 8: Police contacted a 28-year-old woman at 1:41 a.m. in the 2800 block of Cedar. She was checked into the Parkinson Plaza for suspicion of UTI and felony possession of drug paraphernalia in a County Jail, as the ol’ strip search proves its worth once again.
• June 6: At 2:26 a.m. in the North Creek parking lot (the Pit) police contacted a group of juvenile boys and of course they were allegedly in possession of the evil weed. The stoners were ratted out to County Probation.
• June 3: Someone called police at 9:34 a.m. from the 1100 block of Embarcadero who said there’s some guy sleeping in his vehicle without permission, as a backseat could command $150 a night in this town.
• June 3: Police contacted a suspected stumblebum at 9 a.m. in the 300 block of the Boulevard. The 42-year old was cuffed for being squiffed.
• June 1: A citizen in the 500 block of Piney Way told police that the neighbor’s pit bulls are “out of control, unrestrained, aggressive and barking at passersby, herself and her son.”
• June 1: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 5:46 a.m. on Toro Lane. The 32-year-old apparently disagreeable cuss was arrested for suspicion of resisting arrest and possessing drugs, drug paraphernalia and flying high by the light of the moon.

Pismo Beach
•June 17: City folk on the 400 block of Oceanview crowed about a noise complaint concerning a chicken and a rooster at about 5:30 a.m.
•June 17: Fireworks were reported on the 600 block of Shamrock. And, so it begins.
•June 16: A man was reportedly acting aggressive towards a woman between Ramona and Grand. The guy, who reportedly might have had a knife, was detained for an evaluation by County Mental Health.
•June 16: A caller on the 1000 block of Ocean Boulevard reported that a woman was in her ex-boyfriend’s home cutting up all the guys clothes. She was advised against trespassing and no doubt informed that shredded jeans are so 10 years ago.
•June 16: A caller reported a man punching a woman at the Outlet Center. The Bickersons told police it was just a verbal argument between parents and their teenaged son.
•June 16: A caller reported that a transient in front of Vallarta Restaurant had threatened to kill their dog. It turned out to be a misunderstanding between the two. Wag more, bark less, people.
•June 14: Surfers and fishermen got into yet another disagreement at the pier. The guy with the pole said the guy with the board was surfing too close to the pier. A surfer was reportedly getting out of the water after threatening to “confront” him.
•June 14: A caller on 1100 Longview, reported that someone was watering their lawn on a restricted day. A noncompliance notice was issued.
•June 14: Seven guys were walking below Bluff Drive, which is trespassing. The caller said she informed them of this, and one of the guys pushed her and kept on walking. The caller did not want to talk to an officer, so it should have been an FYI call not a 9-1-1 call.
•June 14: A douche using a drone was reportedly harassing a pelican minding its own business on a rock at Dinosaur Caves Park.
•June 14: Police were unable to locate three juvenile hooligans riding skateboards through the parking lot at the Sea Venture. One hellion was wearing orange socks, another was wearing pink socks and there was no word on what the third fashionista was wearing.
•June 14: A brawl broke out between some people at Pismo Coast Village RV Resort when the wives of two men in neighboring spaces almost took it to a physical level. One upstanding gentleman reportedly urinated in front of the other people’s grandson. They were separated and moved to opposite sides of the park.
•June 14: A caller on the 200 block of Five Cities Drive reported a woman walking across the street yelling at nearly 10 p.m. She was wearing lots of layers of clothing and pushing a cart. She was advised against overnight camping because she no doubt had one of those newfangled shopping carts that convert into a tent.
•June 14: Eight people at Shell Beach Brewhouse reportedly threatened to throw drinks at employees.
•June 13: A caller on Dolliver at Pomeroy reported that some intense stoner was harassing people on the street to smoke the evil weed with him, for a friend with weed is a friend indeed.

San Luis Obispo
• June 18: Police were called at 12:15 a.m. to the 3300 block of Bullock where a citizen said he or she came home to find their front door kicked in and the TV and other items stolen. Police are hunting the brazen thieves.
• June 18: Police were called at 3:13 a.m. to Santa Rosa and Pismo for a report of a shellacked woman trying to hitch-hike a ride home, in the latest example how this isn’t the ‘60s.
• June 18: Police were called at 5:30 a.m. to the 900 block of California where they’d found some wiener passed out in a red Camry parked at Frank’s Famous Hot Dogs. The 22-year-old dingus was arrested for DUI. In an unrelated call, at 5:56 p.m. police went to Tank Farm and Higuera where some transient man was passed out with his bicycle laying next to him. He wasn’t even cited.
• June 17: Police got a call at 7:33 a.m. from the 200 block of Suburban at Copeland’s Warehouse regarding someone sleeping there, apparently off the clock for a change.
• June 17: Police were called at 9 a.m. to the 900 block of Buchon where someone had stolen a white 1989 Toyota Camry, license No. 6HML764, with a faded sticker on the driver’s side rear window and no doubt 200,000 miles on the odometer.
• June 17: At 9:01 a.m. someone at Monterey and Santa Rosa reported a white haired person slumped over the steering wheel of a white car. He or she was gone on arrival, apparently not dead yet.
• June 17: Someone at Barnes & Noble on Marsh called 9-1-1 at 9:20 a.m. because there was a transient man in the bathroom, not unlike having bats in the belfry.
• June 17: An employee at the Ramada Inn on Olive called 9-1-1 for a guest whose car was burglarized. Logs indicated he was told to hang up and call the PD business line — 1-555-YOU-R-SOL.
• June 17: Someone at the Amtrak Station called at 11:51 p.m. for a woman who had back pains and was dizzy, and they say train travel is relaxing.
• June 17: Police were called at 12:23 p.m. to the 600 block of Higuera at San Luis BBQ where a transient man was flipping off and yelling at paying customers and — Gasp! — throwing water about. Police advised the drought denier to knock it off. In an unrelated hobo-incident, at 1:38 p.m. police were summoned to the 400 block of Higuera at Wilshire Hospice Hope Chest because a transient man urinated on himself, which shouldn’t even bother hospice.
• June 17: Police responded to a disturbance at 2 p.m. in the 3500 block of Broad at Black Horse Espresso Bar. A crazed woman was yelling obscenities and “appears to have mental health issues,” that or maybe lay off the espresso for a while.
• June 17: Another disturbance was reported at 3:05 p.m. in the 800 block of Monterey. Logs indicated a transient man was pushing the “Downtown Ambassador.” A 62-year-old man was arrested for suspicion of battery and making terrorist threats.
• June 17: Police were called at 6 p.m. to the 2100 block of Broad because a gray Ford SUV was parked in a handicap spot at Fatte’s Pizza, a hanging offense in these parts.
• June 17: At 11:30 p.m. police were sent wiki-wiki to the Creeky Tiki for a top-heavy fellow who was acting boorish. He was described as your typical white boy, in a black sweatshirt and jeans, hanging out with two other cretins. At 11:36, another piece of Caucasian debris was reportedly passed out on the sidewalk on Garden at Higuera. His booze-buddies must have scooped him up before police arrived.
• June 17: At 3 a.m. someone at Cuesta and Dartmouth said a refrigerator-sized box was in the street on fire.
• June 16: Police responded to Rite Aid on Johnson where a transient woman was requesting to go to County Mental Health, in an apparent instant of sanity.
• June 16: Police were called at 8:53 a.m. to the 1400 block of Monterey of an ongoing problem of some transient tart sleeping in the Artisan Bakery parking lot. Meanwhile across town… police were called at 9 a.m. to the 3600 block of Sacramento for transients setting up camp on the sidewalk outside UPS.
• June 16: Police were called to Prefumo Canyon and Cortez for an abandoned car. Police red tagged a Nissan Extera with a flat tire, a case of getting low-jacked ‘cause ya got no jack.
• June 16: Someone at LOVR and Foothill reported a bicyclist was riding in the traffic lane and not sharing the road with motorists.
• June 16: Police were called at 1:10 p.m. to Starbucks in the 800 block of Higuera where some whack-a-doodle with a selfie pole was taking pictures under women’s skirts. In another Starbucks caper, at 3:30 at the Starbucks in the first block of Chorro, someone said a transient man was inside making customers uncomfortable.
• June 16: At 3:46 p.m. outside Ross on Higuera, someone reported a City “bench violation,” in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 16: Police were called at 4:45 p.m. to the 800 block of Higuera where some model citizen had his hand down his pants “making gestures” outside Victoria’s Secret.
• June 16: Police were called at 5:30 p.m. to Motel 6 on Calle Joaquin where a woman said she bought her schizophrenic-agoraphobic nephew a no doubt one-way bus ticket and apparently needed help seeing he used it.
• June 16: A schwasted fellow at French Hospital was reportedly detoxing and wanted to go to jail, as it’s no doubt cheaper than Obamacare.
• June 16: Police responded to a disturbance at 10:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Santa Rosa at Taco de Mexico. Someone reported hearing a guy yell, “I’m going to blow your head off,” but the Big, Bad Wolf was gone when police arrived.