Arroyo Grande
• July 13: An arrest was made on the 700 block of Dodson for possession of narcotics, stolen property, burglary tools, tampering with a vehicle and surprisingly resisting an officer. A stolen car located on the property was returned to the rightful owner.
• July 13: Someone took off with some free cash from an ATM in the 200 block of Branch after the prior person forgot to close it out after a transaction.
• July 12: Some unlucky driver was pulled over on the 200 block of Grand for expired registration and was arrested for DUI.
• July 6: A caller reported some person had placed some sort of homemade liquid bomb device next to his or her car. The device popped and threw an unknown liquid and aluminum foil on the car.
• July 5: An arrest was made on Branch Street after some questionable character provided a false ID while with a child he claimed to have known for only two weeks. The child was turned over to Child Welfare Services when the parents couldn’t be located.
Morro Bay
• July 12: Police responded at 3:35 a.m. to the 1200 block of Embarcadero where they arrested a 36-year-old Taft woman for suspicion of being higher than the stacks on drugs.
• July 11: At 11:19 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 1700 block of Main. They arrested a 54-year-old bent fellow for suspicion of being shellacked in public.
• July 11: Police stopped a vehicle at 9:40 p.m. at Island and Panorama. The 20-year-old driver was cited and released for alleged possession of “concentrated marijuana,” but the vehicle was apparently arrested.
• July 11: Police responded at 10:13 a.m. to the 900 block of Main for a disturbance. Police arrested a 48-year-old imbiber for suspicion of being schwasted and shoplifting.
• July 10: Police contacted a 30-year-old woman at 4:44 p.m. in the 100 block of Main and arrested her for suspicion of being high on drugs and paraphernalia, her stash no doubt already shot.
• July 10: Another disturbance was reported at 9:22 a.m. in the 800 block of Piney Way. A 47-year-old borracho was arrested for suspicion of being salsa’d and giving false ID.
• July 10: At 1:52 a.m. police contacted a man in the 1100 block of Main. He was thrown into the gaol for suspicion of being high on drugs.
• July 9: A disturbance was reported at 11:10 p.m. in the 900 block of Main. Two ruffians, a 21-year old from Redondo Beach and a 24-year-old from Manhattan Beach were busted for being schnockered and will end their vacations on probation.
• July 9: Police responded at 7:57 a.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., and wound up arresting a 32-year-old for allegedly being high on drugs, the apparent hazards of pulling an all-niter.
• July 8: Police responded at 8:21 p.m. to the 3300 block of Tide where they washed up a 30-year-old woman for suspicion of being sudsy on drugs. She went to County Jail for a good scrubbing.
• July 8: A 15-year-old girl told police some unknown person stole her cell phone while she was at City Park, or maybe she just wants a new one.
• July 8: Police responded to the 400 block of Elena where a citizen said between June 17 and July 8 numerous plants, yard decorations, door mats and garden figurine were removed from the front porches of the residents of the Ocean View Manor and Oceanside Gardens retirement communities, proving once again that people will steal anything from anyone.
• July 7: Police contacted a pair of suspicious fellows at 10:56 p.m. in the 900 block of Main. The 23 and 36-year-old Cambrians were arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs, with the older one getting busted with paraphernalia, too, as Morro Bay once again proves to be a buzz kill.
• July 7: Police and paramedics responded at 6:38 p.m. to the 3200 block of Main where a 30-year-old man “placed his right arm through a plate glass window,” a case of ouch.
• July 7: Police responded at 2:41 p.m. for a reported shoplifter. Logs indicated Bottle Liquor staff caught a guy using the self-checkout aisle. Logs indicated police arrested the 48-year-old, sticky-fingered sot, for alleged shoplifting, theft with priors, trespassing and being skunked, which explains a lot.
• July 7: A citizen in the 800 block of Quintana said vandals spray painted on their chain link fence. Police will investigate the Morro Bay felony.
• July 7: The epidemic of drug arrests continued with a 47 year-old woman getting popped in the 400 block of Errol. At 5:56 p.m. on July 6, a man, with two warrants, 43, got picked up by Rite Aid and was also charged with alleged possession of drugs and paraphernalia.
• July 5: Police responded at 9:48 p.m. to the 400 block of Avalon for a reported assault. Logs indicated it was a landlord-tenant physical altercation, a case of house for rent.
Pismo Beach
• July 15: A caller on the 100 block of Park reported a possible intruder. The caller said that they could hear noises in the bushes. The intruder was trying to come over the fence and the caller could see a baseball hat. Police didn’t find a human, but they did locate an opossum in the bushes, no doubt a Dodger fan.
• July 15: A caller reported someone yelling for about a half an hour near New Life Church. It turned out to be an exuberant person praying really loud. Police told him or her to use their inside church voice, God will still hear.
• July 14: A caller on Cypress noticed a young man smoking a bong in the driver’s seat of a car with other people in it. Two people had medical marijuana cards. They were advised to leave the area if they were going to have those “types of activities.” In other news on the ganja front, a caller reported two girls and three boys with a bong at Boosinger Park. Police were unable to detect any drug activity, but all parents were contacted. Bummer dude.
• July 14: Two people were reportedly fighting in front of am/pm with brooms and dustpans. The suspects had been swept away before police arrived.
• July 12: Someone was reportedly ringing a doorbell on the 200 block of Highland at about 1:30 in the morning. The caller said that they weren’t expecting anyone and that it was the second time it had happened this week. It turned out the doorbell was broken.
• July 12: A man and a woman sitting on the beach were reportedly having a heated argument. It was over two missing children that had since been located.
• July 12: A woman in the lobby at the Sea Venture Resort was crying while the man she was with was checking into a room. She told the front desk that she wanted to press charges against him but didn’t say why. He was arrested on suspicion of battery.
• July 12: A caller on the 300 block of Harlo complained about a truck in the middle of the road. She said that the people inside the vehicle could see inside her house.
• July 12: Two men were reportedly trying to open the door to a residence on Shell Beach Road and took off running to Dinosaur Caves Park. Both were arrested for attempted burglary. Twenty minutes later, police were unable to locate four males on the 1500 block of Shell Beach Road reportedly trying to break into a car. They were banging on the car and took off to Shell Beach Brewhouse when they noticed the caller watching them. There was no damage to the car.
• July 11: A woman trying to book a room at the Sandcastle Inn said that the signs were speaking to her, which could be a sign in itself. Police were unable to locate the woman who had obviously seen LA Story too many times.
• July 11: Guests staying in a room at the Cottage Inn reportedly damaged it. They had taken the pictures off of the walls and replaced them with their own. Blood or candy was also found on paper in the closet. They were asked to leave but wanted to stay one more night. Police convinced them to leave.
• July 10: A caller reported a man and a woman on Shell Beach Road walking in the bike lane and occasionally the middle of the road. The guy was arrested for being drunk in public and the woman was taking in for outstanding warrants, and they lived happily ever after.
San Luis Obispo
• July 17: At 12:01 a.m. the bouncer at Frog & Peach reported confiscating someone’s fake ID, as another one bites the dust… Sing-it!… Another one bites the dust…
• July 17: At 1:41 a.m. someone reported a stumblebum staggering down Marsh by 7-Eleven. The swizzle stick slipped the dragnet. Then at 2:08 a.m. a citizen in the 200 block of Jeffrey said a drunken idiot walked into his house and then got belligerent when told to get the hell out. The 35-year-old bent fellow was tossed into the pokey to sleep it off and should be thankful this isn’t Texas.
• July 17: Someone called at 4:22 a.m. from Madonna Plaza because there were three urban campers parked by the Geek Squad van, a case of sneaks hidin’ behind geeks?
• July 17: Someone reported a fire at 6:47 a.m. at Applebee’s Restaurant on Madonna. Logs said it was a gas fire.
• July 16: Someone called 9-1-1 at 7:10 a.m. from the 2000 block of McCollum to report an occupied house with trash building up outside and apparently the home of the three little pigs. The big bad wolf code enforcer was called.
• July 16: Someone called at 7:30 a.m. from California and Foothill to report a girl with headphones on was walking down the railroad tracks instead of the multi-million dollar trail they built.
• July 16: At 7:52 a.m. a disturbance was reported at Osos and Peach. Logs said, “BM [black man] yelling at nothing,” or maybe just no one’s listening. Anyway the town crier was gone. Half an hour later, officers posted a homeless camp at Peach and Nipomo, for littering, though no one was home.
• July 16: At 8:58 a.m. in the first block of Santa Rosa, someone said a man was lying on the sidewalk outside Rabobank “fondling himself,” in this week’s example of why we need SWAT. No report was done. Maybe he was just crabby.
• July 16: Some scoundrel smashed the windows of a white Acura parked in the 1900 block of Garfield.
• July 16: Police and fire responded at 2:26 p.m. to LOVR and Froom Ranch Rd., after a car hit a hydrant and unleashed a man-made geyser. It was an hour before the water got turned off. Some kids got to play in it, so it wasn’t a total loss, probably no more than the City saved letting the parks go brown.
• July 16: At 3 p.m. a woman reported a pregnant woman at Meadow Park walking around yelling “Luuu-weees!” over and over again. She had gone out to help her, as the apparently good-for-nothin’ Luis wasn’t. At 4:37, a transient man and woman were reportedly having a row by the restrooms, so maybe Luis came back?
• July 16: At 3:22 p.m. at Patricia and Fel Mar, someone reported a man walking in the middle of the street. Then at 3:43 in the same area someone reported a little kid riding a Big Wheel down the middle of the street, no doubt like father like son. Then someone reported a No Parking sign pole had been broken off at about the 5-foot level.
• July 16: Someone reported two drunken women arguing in Mission Plaza, then sacking out together on the grass. One role model, 44, was tossed to the nick for being a little too saucy.
• July 16: Police went to Barnes & Noble on Marsh after a store clerk reported the same man as yesterday had walked into the store and headed straight for the bathroom, which in B&N’s world is trespassing. The poo-lice flushed out the fiend. And speaking of irritating transients, someone called at 5:32 p.m. to report a man waving his arms on the Madonna-Hwy 101 overpass and playing chicken with cars.
• July 16: Someone called 9-1-1 at 6:21 p.m. from Sinsheimer Pool to report that the showerhead in the women’s locker room won’t turn off, a case of where’s Josephine when you need her?
• July 16: Someone found an iPhone 6-Plus in a green case in the 1100 block of Garden and gave it to police, maybe it’s yours?
• July 16: At 7:25 p.m. someone complained about a bunch of cavaliers playing basketball at Devaul Park on Spooner. Police advised the Cavaloosers that basketball season was done for the night.
• July 16: A woman called police at 10:25 p.m. from Chase Bank on Madonna and said a creepy homeless guy with a long beard, wearing a green coat was ogling her at the ATM.
• July 16: At 11 p.m. a woman on Tanglewood reported a transient camp in the open space behind her house, she knows because she could smell them.
• July 16: A citizen called police to complain that construction workers at Golden 1 Credit Union on Foothill keep starting work before 7 a.m. — it was 6:56 at the time.
• July 15: Police responded at 8:32 a.m. to the 300 block of Marsh for an intruder alert. The resident said a man came up to her second story apartment and apparently broke in or tried to, intending to assault her. The 49-year-old creepy crawler was arrested for suspicion of burglary and trespassing.
• July 15: At 9:42 a.m. someone said there was a man in the Emerson Park garden talking to himself and acting strangely.
• July 15: A man called police at 10:20 a.m. and said he’d rear-ended a truck in the 2200 block of Beebee. He and the driver exchanged insurance info but was troubled by something he said, no doubt “Sue ya’ later!”
• July 15: Someone at CVS on Marsh reported finding a handsaw sitting on a trash can by the front door. This goes with a boom box someone found the next day sitting on top of a Glacier Water machine.
• July 15: At 1 p.m. someone reported a traffic hazard at Tank Farm and Broad, an old man swerving all over on a Moped, no doubt what happens when you can’t drive the lawn mower.
• July 15: Police were asked to check the welfare of a woman who was unresponsive in the 2000 block of Parker outside the Path Point office. Logs indicated the 23-year-old sot was dead drunk and got hauled to the County sober living facility.
• July 15: A business in the 800 block of Pacific said a panhandling transient man barged in and demanded money, also called a shakedown, except when the City does it.
• July 15: Police got a call at 4:03 p.m. from Laguna Lake Park of a guy overdosing on alcohol. No report. Twenty-three minutes later, they were called back to the park for a transient man hooting and hollering, and cussing, his mission to OD apparently accomplished.
• July 15: Police were called at 5:12 p.m. to Barnes & Noble because a transient man was sitting in the men’s room stall getting crappy. He scrammed before police could flush him.