Good to be King
By King Harris

Thank God for folksinger and songwriter, Woody Guthrie. Not only did he leave us with the folk movement, he gave us his son Arlo.
Arlo is the kind of performer that can chase your blues away, no matter what he sings. He is coming to Arroyo Grande April 7, and during his set he will perform, which he only does during a major anniversary, his anthem “Alice’s Restaurant,” the trademark protest song that he first delivered in the late 1960s.
“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Alice’s restaurant.
“Walk right in, it’s around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track.
“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Res-ta-rant.”
Alice’s Restaurant was at the time located near Stockbridge, Mass. The first half of the song talks about Arlo getting busted for littering. But it was the second half that resonated. That’s because it had to do with the Vietnam War and the draft, which everybody my age could identify with.
“I’m here to talk about the draft. They got a building down in New York City called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected!”
“I went down and got my physical examination one day, and I walked in, sat down (got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning, ‘cause I wanted to look like the All-American Kid from New York City. I wanted to feel like… I wanted to be the All-American Kid from New York), and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up and all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things.
“And I walked in, I sat down, they gave me a piece of paper that said: “Kid, see the psychiatrist in room 604.”
“I went up there, I said, ‘Shrink, I want to kill. I want to kill! I want to see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth! Eat dead, burnt bodies! I mean — Kill. Kill!”
“And I started jumpin’ up and down, yellin’ ‘KILL! KILL!’ and he started jumpin’ up and down with me, and we was both jumpin’ up and down, yellin’, ‘KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!’ and the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me. Sent me down the hall, said, ‘You’re our boy.’ Didn’t feel too good about it.”
“Proceeded down the hall, gettin’ more injections, inspections, detections, neglections, and all kinds of stuff that they was doin’ to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours… three hours… four hours… I was there for a long time goin’ through all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things.”
“And I was just havin’ a tough time there, and they was inspectin’, injectin’, every single part of me, and they was leavin’ no part untouched!”
“He stopped me right there and said, ‘Kid, I want you to go over and sit down on that bench that says ‘Group W.’”
“And I walked over to the bench there, and there’s… Group W is where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committin’ your special crime.
“There was all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly-lookin’ people on the bench there.” Arlo finishes up be creating a movement.
“And the only reason I’m singin’ you the song now is ‘cause you may know somebody in a similar situation. Or you may be in a similar situation, and if you’re in a situation like that, there’s only one thing you can do — walk into the shrink wherever you are, just walk in, say, ‘Shrink, . .  You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant,’ and walk out.
“You know, if one person, just one person, does it, they may think he’s really sick and they won’t take him.
“And if two people do it, in harmony, they may think they’re both faggots and they won’t take either of them. And if three people do it! Can you imagine three people walkin’ in, singin’ a bar of ‘Alice’s Restaurant’ and walkin’ out? They may think it’s an organization! And can you imagine 50 people a day? I said 50 people a day…?”
“Walkin’ in, singin’ a bar of ‘Alice’s Restaurant’ and walkin’ out?
“Friends, they may think it’s a MOVEMENT, and that’s what it is: THE ALICE’S RESTAURANT ANTI-MASSACREE MOVEMENT!
“And all you gotta do to join is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar. And remember you gotta sing loud if you want to end war and stuff.”
Amen, Arlo. See you Wednesday. And thanks for the homily.