Arroyo Grande
• March 13: There was insufficient evidence to support a claim of tires being slashed on South Elm Street.
• March 12: A DUI arrest was made on the 1600 block of Grand after the driver was observed driving on the sidewalk and failed to maintain her lane.
• March 11: Officers responded to a fight on the 500 block of Carmella involving a father and his son yelling at each other. It was determined that one of them was under the influence of a controlled substance and he was hauled off to the hoosegow.
• March 10: A “customer” on the 100 block of Station Way picked up some items in the store and when was confronted by an employee made a break for it.
Morro Bay
• March 13: At 11:18 p.m. police crossed paths with a suspicious man in the 900 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the apparent hype was needled and injected into the hoosegow for being higher than the space station and for no doubt longer than Scott Kelly on drugs. Another spaced out spaceman was arrested March 12 in the 700 block of Quintana, which is turning out to be a pretty good fishin’ hole.
• March 12: Some thieving scoundrel stole a bicycle from the 400 block of Bonita. In an unrelated case, at 10:22 a.m. on the 11th in the 700 block of Quintana, a 60-year-old man fell off his bicycle and landed in the hospital.
• March 12: Vandals struck in the 600 block of Olive, as some hooligan threw a rock through a house window.
• March 11: At 9:50 p.m. police followed up on a case in the 2100 block of Main and arrested a 28-year-old belle of the ball on suspicion of possessing narcotics for transportation and sales, paraphernalia and of course having pinched into the stash for personal use.
• March 10: Police stopped a vehicle at 12:15 p.m. at Monterey and Pacific and the 23-year-old man was busted for suspicion of driving high, possessing paraphernalia and a rookie mistake, as officers also discovered his alleged stash.
• March 9: Police documented a case of online bullying. According to logs, the case involves “Harassing and inappropriate statements being posted on an Instagram account regarding a 13-year-old female. Another case [reported on March 5] involving similar statements from another Los Osos Middle School student,” which begs the question — Do you know what your little angel has been texting?
• March 9: Someone rode off with an 8-speed mountain bike from the 1100 block of Monterey.
• March 9: Police arrested a regular customer at 4 p.m. at Elena and Juniper on a $10,000 warrant for a previous drug bust, a case of self-caused double jeopardy.
• March 8: Police stopped a suspicious man at 3:53 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Boulevard and arrested the 58-year-old for suspicion of possessing a switchblade.
• March 8: Police responded to the 300 block of Dunbar for a reported “theft of a vehicle without the owner’s consent,” which is sort of what stealing means. The car was recovered abandoned at Cerro Alto Campground on Hwy 41.
• March 7: A man told police that a woman he knows stole his handbag containing a Tablet computer and other stuff from the Albertson’s Lounge.
• March 7: Some burglar burgled a business in the 300 block of Errol. In the 400 block of Monterey, someone got into an unlocked truck and stole house and car keys, and personal items, next call — a locksmith.
Pismo Beach
• March 13: Someone in the ER reported being bitten in the ear by a friend while at Dolphin Cove. He was too drunk to give details about the want-to-be Mike Tyson.
• March 13: A report came in from the 200 block of Surf St. concerning two men trying to break into the callers car. The suspects then walked down the road trying other car doors. Several cars on the street had been broken into.
• March 13: A transient at Huckleberry’s reportedly told an employee to stop staring at him or he would stab her. Mr. Congeniality was advised against trespassing and no doubt received a raspberry as well.
• March 13: Someone on Dolliver at Pomeroy was selling corn, the new gateway drug, and making noise with a horn. The caller wanted police to quiet the cob down.
• March 13: A mother reported that a man in the pier parking lot punched her teenaged son. The prizefighter had reportedly pulled a knife on someone else earlier in the day.
• March 13: Two spatting roommates on the 200 block of Oceanview got into a fight and placed each other under citizens arrest and cited each other. Come and knock on my door…
• March 13: A mother on the 100 block of esparto wanted to speak to an officer about her daughter who was causing a commotion and had thrown a potted plant in the roadway before driving off. Extra patrols were requested.
• March 12: A man and a woman where reportedly trying to open cars behind Denny’s. Conveniently they both had outstanding warrants.
• March 12: A neighbor dispute of spray paint was reported on the 100 block of Irish Way. Both parties were counseled.
• March 12: A guy on the 300 block of Placentia reported a missing quad off-road vehicle. Neighbors told him that someone one lifted it onto a truck and took off. The caller thought it might have been a repo company because he was two years past due on payments. He said he would follow up with the collection agency.
• March 11: A caller on the 300 block of Wilmar reported being stuck in an elevator at a residence where she took care of an elderly woman. She was concerned for her client’s welfare.
• March 11: A wallet was stolen from the bar area of Spyglass Restaurant and a credit card was used to set up a tab at the Spyglass Inn and to buy gas at the neighboring Shell Station.
• March 11: Several cars were rummaged through on Indio Drive.
• March 11: A boxer pooch found on the 1300 block Costa Brava was reunited with its human after spending time in the kennel.
• March 11: A caller on the 200 block of Ridge reported that two days prior her daughter-in-law had punched her several times. Naturally, she didn’t want to take any action.
San Luis Obispo
• March 18: Police got a 9-1-1 call from a lost cell phone in the 1300 block of Monterey at 6 a.m. Logs indicated the phone was within 32 meters of the spot with an open line but no music or talking. Cops were hung up for about 10 minutes but didn’t find the apparent butt-dialer.
• March 18: Someone called at 5:55 a.m. from Mitchell Park to report some sleeping Bozo in the Gazebo.
• March 18: A group of transients with junk strewn all over the place were apparently ruining the vibe at 5:15 a.m. outside Starbucks in the 3900 block of Broad, just wait ‘til they start selling booze.
• March 18: A citizen called at 3:12 a.m. from Broad and Monterey to report a loaded pistol shooting off his mouth down at the corner.
• March 18: At closing time, 1:58 a.m., police and paramedics were called to the 700 block of Higuera at Mo Tav for a case of alcohol poisoning. Police turned this blarney over to medics.
• March 18: So St. Paddy-wagon Day in SLO wasn’t too busy for police at least not what appears on the logs. From the start of the AM shift, to closin’ time at the local hooch houses police responded to a total of just four reports of swizzle sticks stirring up trouble. Half of those went to the hoosegow and the others had friends give ‘em a hand.
They did haul five loose nuts behind the wheel off to the gaol for DUI, and missed four that other drivers had ratted out. No serious crashes were reported, though there were some four reports of hit-n-splits.
Police cited just two people for possessing hooch in public, and there were five rowdy parties reported, though no one got cited. One minor in possession citation was issued, a rookie mistake. Three calls came in regarding possible fake IDs and one was confiscated, no doubt headed for the wall of shame.
And just two swine were spotted shaking loose the weasel in public and cited for their treachery.
• March 17: A woman at Motel 6 on Calle Joaquin called at 11:49 p.m. because the creepy dude from Room 157 was back to bother her.
• March 17: A citizen in the 3300 block of Johnson reported at 11:14 p.m. a suspicious vehicle with stereo blasting parked in the lot of the Nazerene Church, breaking the 13th Commandment — Thou shall not disturb the peace. The sinners were gone.
• March 17: At 9:30 p.m. a citizen asked police to check the welfare of an older gentleman walking with a cane. He wasn’t in distress, but apparently just old.
• March 17: Police were called at 9 p.m. regarding some brat that wouldn’t calm down and go to sleep and had also broken into the cash stash.
• March 17: At 7:49 p.m. a citizen reported rapscallions moving traffic cones and tossing them off the roadway, also called a San Louie felony.
• March 17: A citizen called at 6:50 p.m. from Bullock and Willow and said over by a “big, red flowery plant on Orcutt Road” a motorcycle had run off into a ditch. Oddly enough at the El Dorado Apartments on Westmont, a guy reported his motorcycle stolen sometime overnight.
• March 17: Someone called at 6:47 p.m. to complain about a pair of panhandlers at Osos and Higuera blocking the sidewalk that working taxpayers paid for.
• March 17: Police went wiki wiki to the Creeky Tiki on Higuera at 6:44 p.m. where a Wāhine said they’d taken her suspected fake ID. Earlier, two other sneaky kamahines claimed the same thing.
• March 17: A woman called at 6:30 p.m. from a trailer park in the 3800 block of Higuera and said her bent husband was throwing chairs around.
• March 17: A tow truck was called and a car parked outside Charles Shoes got the boot.
• March Police responded at 5 p.m. to the 2200 block of Exposition for a disturbance at Woodbridge Meadows. The caller said a woman was yelling at a man, and, ooh, she just smacked him across the face.
• March 17: At 5 p.m. a woman in the 800 block of Nipomo said a strange man had run up onto her front porch and apparently grabbed her cat.
• March 17: Police got a call at 3:43 p.m. from a woman in the 300 block of Higuera who said she’d run into a pole at a barber shop. She wasn’t hurt but was very upset, having escaped no doubt a close shave.
• March 17: A man in the 600 block of Chorro told police he believes there is a transient man living in the storage closet by his parking space, no doubt only paying $200 a month, too. In another affront to decent society, a woman in the 800 block of Monterey said a transient man sitting on a bench outside the Bladerunner Spa keeps smoking, and no doubt ruining the rejuvenations inside.
• March 17: A citizen called in a suspicious person report from the 4300 block of Higuera at the PG&E yard. A guy in a white Honda Civic had a black bandana covering his face, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• March 17: Someone called at 11:48 a.m. to complain about a transient man camped out at the empty Smart & Final store in the 200 block of Higuera, which might make a good homeless shelter.
• March 17: Someone called at 11:30 a.m. to report five transient men and a woman were setting up camp outside the Vet’s Hall on Grand Avenue, no doubt wounded veterans of the war on poverty.
• March 17: At 11:13 a.m. a woman called to report two men whizzing off the second floor of the Marsh St., parking garage, on the Post Office side. They’d pissed-off before police arrived to teach them manners.
• March 17: A woman in the 1800 block of San Luis reported a suspicious car had pulled up in front of her house and the driver was taking pictures, a hanging offense in these parts.
• March 17: Police geared up to deal with a pro-Diablo Canyon rally from 11-1 at the County Government Center. Only about 20 showed up, no doubt a reflection of the cause’s overwhelming support.